Lately, mornings around our house have turned into a scene reminiscent of a military camp. I find myself issuing orders like, “Brush your teeth,” “Pack your lunch,” and “For goodness sake, why aren’t you dressed yet?” My voice has grown louder, cutting through the chaos of music, chatter, and the morning news. I’m sure my husband appreciates this charming transformation as I attempt to juggle adult conversations about the latest headlines.
I’ve become the archetype of the “mean mom,” the one who insists, “No, you can’t head out until your room is clean.” The complaints from my kids—ages 16, 13, and 10—have reached a steady volume, with them declaring that their dad is the fun one. But you know what? I’m completely fine with that.
I signed up for this role nearly two decades ago when my first child arrived, and my husband and I agreed that I would be the stay-at-home parent. With his long work hours, it’s mainly me who sifts through the daily grind with the kids. Yes, that means I have to be the disciplinarian, but I also get to enjoy many rewarding moments, and I cherish that.
However, hearing my teenagers grumble about my newfound “Mean Mom” persona has made me reflect. I miss my more cheerful self, and it’s clear I need to communicate what’s necessary for the return of “Nice Mom.”
Dear Kids,
Feel free to express your frustrations. I understand that life can be tough, and sometimes we need a safe outlet for our anger. Just remember, I expect to be treated with respect. If you’re upset, please articulate it well—like this: “Dear Mother, I find the rule against eliminating my brother for destroying my cherished CD collection to be quite unfair. I’m feeling very negative about this and will retreat to my room until I can regroup.”
If you can communicate like this, I promise to reciprocate and you might find yourself grounded less often. Moreover, when I ask you to do something, please do it the first time. I know being a teenager comes with its challenges, but if you want a more pleasant mom, being a considerate child will go a long way.
I’m all for you making your own snacks, but if I walk into a kitchen that looks like a disaster zone, don’t be surprised if my voice gets a little louder. And if mealtime turns into a scene that resembles a food fight, you can bet on my annoyance kicking in. I might joke the first time, saying something like, “Your great-grandma is rolling over in her grave watching you eat like that.” But after that, it’s back to “Mean Mom.”
Also, it’s no surprise that you need to get dressed, brush your teeth, and generally prepare for school each morning. If you want to avoid my morning yelling, just get it done. I manage to do it daily, often on little sleep.
If you adhere to these simple guidelines, I can assure you that the kinder, less stressed version of me will make a comeback—at least after I’ve had my morning coffee!
Much love,
Mom