I’m going to be completely honest with you: my home feels like a battlefield lately. That’s right, a true battleground. My children are at that age where they crave more freedom than they’re ready for, and it leads to constant tug-of-war between us.
In their quest for independence, they often push boundaries, and it’s my responsibility to set those limits. They frequently request things that make me uneasy. For example, while I’m comfortable leaving them home alone to run errands (they’re almost 14, 12, and 10, after all), the idea of them inviting friends over without supervision is a hard no from me.
I’ve explained my reasoning time and again. I worry that without supervision, they may be tempted to engage in behaviors they shouldn’t. Once they stray into risky territory and get away with it, it becomes easier to push those boundaries further next time. Sometimes, parents just need to firmly say “no” without elaboration, but I prefer using those moments to teach valuable life lessons.
As a former teenager, I understand that teens often make questionable choices, and my kids love having fun. Let’s just say there are no saints in my household. That’s why I establish clear boundaries and occasionally embrace the role of the “mean mom.” We’ve moved past the days of sneaking cookies or borrowing each other’s gadgets without permission, so I must be more vigilant than ever.
This means I’m often the one putting a damper on their fun, and yes, they tend to get upset with me. Just the other day, one of my kids expressed his frustration, and I found myself saying, “I don’t care if you’re mad at me.”
And honestly, I didn’t. But in truth, I did care. When I say I don’t care about your anger, what I really mean is:
I won’t change my mind, even though it bothers me when you’re upset. I have more life experience than you, and I remember wanting the same freedoms you’re asking for now. I know it feels monumental to you because it felt that way to me back then, too. Unfortunately, taking away those desires may feel unfair, but I’d rather have you mad at me than risk your safety or that of others.
Your anger stems from a desire for more control, and while you’ll have that someday, today is not that day. Complaining about my decisions won’t sway me; I refuse to engage in arguments over this. Accept this reality, and I expect you to respond responsibly.
I want you to be happy, but I’m not responsible for your happiness all the time. My role is to look out for your best interests—do you understand? You aren’t ready to dive into the waters you want to swim in, and I’m here to be your life jacket for just a bit longer. I don’t mind if you’re embarrassed about me being strict when your friends are around; my priority is your well-being.
I’ll gradually give you more freedom, but we both need to be ready. If I allow you to do things you think you’re prepared for and something goes horribly wrong, the consequences would be far worse than a few days of silent treatment. I love you too much to risk that.
So yes, I’ll take you being angry with me because it’s the safer option. I understand why you feel that way. And while I do care—just not enough to let you make decisions you may regret—I’ll endure the eye rolls and your time spent in your room as a way to express your frustration. It’s a small price to pay compared to the potential consequences.
Because deep down, moms do care when our kids are upset with us. Just not enough to compromise their safety or allow them to behave irresponsibly.
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In summary, parenting is tough, but setting boundaries is essential for your safety. While I know it’s frustrating, my love for you drives these decisions.