It’s time for a little family chat. You see, we might be a bit quirky, and we tend to overshare information with strangers. While it’s possible that we’re more typical than I think, it’s clear that many other families have taught their kids about boundaries regarding certain topics and language. I came to this realization recently when we visited a restaurant, and one of you shouted, “It’s my turn to hold the vibrator!” after snatching the pager from my hands. It was a moment that made me rethink our sharing habits.
Now, I sincerely hope you don’t know what a vibrator is just yet. You were simply excited about the pager and wanted your turn with it, but it does make me think we should avoid putting pagers under our clothing from now on. Who knows where they’ve been?
Keeping Our Voices Down
So how about we try to keep our voices down a notch? Let’s save the loud comments for home, zip our lips in public, and only speak when we truly understand what we’re discussing. This would definitely help your mother from feeling the urge to hide in a corner out of embarrassment.
Toothbrush Timing
I understand that you get thrilled when I buy you new toothbrushes, especially since I’m always reminding you to brush those little teeth of yours. But if I happen to need to dash to the restroom after our shopping trip, it’s not the right moment to open your new toothbrush and start brushing at the water fountain. The best course of action is to wait patiently as instructed.
Bathroom Humor
I’ll admit, I laughed when you declared you had to take a “Trump dump” while heading off for a lengthy visit to the bathroom. But when I asked you not to say that again, I meant it—even if my face was contorted in an effort to suppress laughter. You thought it was hilarious, and I know that made you feel validated, but it’s really not something to repeat, especially not in front of guests at dinner. Let’s keep some things private; I want to keep our friends coming back for visits.
Privacy Matters
Last year, when you walked in on me while I was crying and taking a pregnancy test, I explained what was happening. But honestly, no one wants to hear that story anymore. It was a confusing moment, and while I can chuckle about it now, let’s keep bathroom door etiquette in mind for the future.
And then there was the time when your dad was on the couch looking a bit worse for wear, holding ice on his lap. I told you he had a procedure done so he couldn’t have more kids, and you likened it to our puppy being fixed. While I appreciated your understanding, hearing you tell others that your dad had his “balls chopped off” was a bit much. Remember, if it involves private parts, check with Mom or Dad before sharing those details publicly, especially in aisle 6 of the grocery store.
Respecting Boundaries
Now, while I actually enjoy your hissing as a way to express frustration with each other—it beats yelling!—it’s important to remember that it’s not appropriate to do that towards adults, particularly your teachers.
Your age has passed the point where you can use innocence as an excuse for sharing personal family details. Let’s start fresh. We can still be our quirky selves, just keep the crazy within our four walls. I believe this will lead to more invitations from others, which is way better than embarrassing me every time we go out. Plus, it’ll mean fewer lectures from me and possibly save some money since I won’t need to buy as much wine.
It’s a win-win for everyone. We can do this!
Love,
Mom
P.S. If you’re curious about home insemination, check out this post on home insemination kits. Also, for valuable insights on fertility, visit this resource. And don’t forget to explore the CDC’s information about pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
In this lighthearted letter, a mother addresses her kids about the importance of keeping certain family matters private and being mindful of their words in public. She shares humorous anecdotes about their quirks, emphasizing the need for boundaries, especially when discussing personal topics. The message encourages them to express themselves appropriately while maintaining their family’s unique spirit.