On a tranquil day at the zoo, I found myself navigating the crowded pathways with my husband, who was carrying our infant son, while my preschool-age daughter walked beside him. Our eldest daughter strolled alongside us, eagerly chatting about the various exhibits. As we paused to decide our next destination, an all-too-familiar scenario unfolded.
A middle-aged woman, likely in her late fifties, approached us with a bright smile and exclaimed, “Your daughter has such gorgeous hair!” Without hesitation, her hand reached toward my daughter’s curly ponytail.
In an instinctive reaction, I swiftly positioned myself between the woman and my daughter, blocking her hand with my shoulder. Though surprised, the woman persisted, attempting to touch my daughter’s hair again. I sidestepped, effectively preventing her hand from making contact.
From the moment my children could comprehend language, we instilled a simple mantra: “Do not touch my hair. I do not like it.” Regrettably, this lesson became necessary due to repeated encounters with strangers who, after complimenting my children’s hair, felt entitled to reach out and pet them. Yes, I used the term ‘pet.’
I firmly believe that a stranger should not touch a child. It is simply inappropriate and contributes to a critical lesson: our bodies belong to us.
Despite the well-meaning intentions, some adults feel compelled to use their stature as an adult to invade my children’s personal space. Whether their hair is styled in an afro, braids, or a simple ponytail, there’s a persistent presence of those who seem oblivious to boundaries.
I understand that many individuals are curious about black hair. Prior to parenthood, I had no experience touching it, likely due to the values my mother instilled in me regarding personal space.
These unsolicited encounters occur everywhere: in restroom lines, at grocery store checkouts, during school events, or while browsing books at the library.
Here’s the reality: my children do not exist to satisfy anyone’s curiosity. They are not characters in a petting zoo; they are individual beings with feelings, deserving of personal space and privacy.
Moreover, hands can be unsanitary. I’ve witnessed numerous adults leave restrooms without washing their hands, raising concerns about where those hands have been before reaching toward my children’s hair.
In today’s climate, where stories about white individuals intruding on black lives are prevalent, one would expect hair-touching incidents to decline. Unfortunately, they continue unabated, and it’s a behavior that must cease. Touching someone’s hair without consent is a microaggression that undermines their autonomy.
If you admire a black child’s hairstyle, offer a genuine compliment, but do not presume to touch. Additionally, refrain from intrusive questions like, “How long did it take?” or “I could never sit still for that long!”—these comments are not relevant or helpful.
It’s 2023, folks. Let’s respect the personal space of children of color, both physically and verbally.
This article was originally published on May 25, 2023.
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Summary
This article discusses the inappropriate behavior of touching black children’s hair without consent, emphasizing the importance of respecting personal space and boundaries. The author shares personal experiences and urges readers to appreciate diversity without overstepping.