Updated: June 16, 2018
Originally Published: Feb. 11, 2018
Oh hey there, my old friend! It’s such a delight to reconnect after all this time. Can you believe it’s been a decade—or maybe even longer? It feels like just yesterday we were getting ready for a night out, sharing a bathroom mirror, and perfecting our eyeliner for a night of fun in that little college town.
Remember that time we attempted to share a stall in the women’s restroom and got stuck? We had to crawl out from under the door while your ex’s new girlfriend was standing there watching us. Oh my goodness, those were some unforgettable times!
So, how’s life treating you? Everything good? Kids really do grow up fast, don’t they? We finally managed to get ours out of those outrageously priced diapers this year. Now we can focus on tackling those student loans—thank goodness, right?
Oh, I see you’ve discovered a new avenue for financial success and you’re eager to share? A transformative product and company that you can’t wait to tell me about? Well, hold on just a second, my friend.
I truly appreciate you reaching out to me, but I need to be honest—there’s absolutely nothing that will convince me to join your MLM “adventure.” I’m not interested in any of your products, whether they’re leggings that promise to enhance my thighs or energy shakes that claim to get me marathon-ready in just three months. And as much as I adore surprises, I’m really not up for cracking open an oyster on Facebook Live, so I think we’ve covered all bases here.
But please don’t leave! It’s been so long since we last caught up, and I’m genuinely happy you found something that excites you. I may have come off a bit strong about the MLM topic, but I assure you… it’s not you.
It’s entirely me.
I can’t back the business model of the company you’re involved with. Honestly, it feels like they’ve pulled another person I care about into their web, and that just frustrates me. It’s not that I don’t want to support you. If I could pay you to run away from this situation right now, I would!
But I assume you’re a bit more invested than that?
I know enough about MLMs to realize you got swept up in this whole experience—whether it was at a party, a conference, or from a long-lost friend reaching out. I bet they used all those catchy buzzwords like “finding your why” and “becoming a mompreneur.” You got caught up in the excitement and before you knew it, you were on your way to being a #BossBabe.
It all seemed too fantastic to be true, didn’t it?
Well, here’s the awkward truth: it was too good to be true.
No matter which company you partnered with, if you’re messaging me on Facebook to sell something, it’s likely an MLM. The statistics are daunting, with the FTC reporting that a staggering 99% of people who join MLMs end up losing money. That’s a hard fact.
I know you’re a special, incredible person (we’re friends for a reason), but let’s face it: those odds are dismal. Even if you think you might be in the lucky 1% who actually makes a profit (we’re talking about $1 and up), do you really want to risk signing up 100 of your friends with those chances?
Oh, you do? Well, I guess this is where we part ways for now. We have so many cherished memories, and in the unfortunate event (99% likely) that your business doesn’t pan out, I hope you’ll reach out again.
Because truly, your kids are adorable, and you’re an amazing person. I’d love to stay in touch, as long as that doesn’t require me to purchase a three-pack of skinny wraps for the low, low price of $15.99.
In the meantime, if you’re looking for more information on navigating your family journey, you might find this post on couples’ fertility options helpful. And for those working while pregnant, you can find valuable insights here: working while pregnant. Additionally, for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this informative guide on intrauterine insemination.
Summary:
In this heartfelt letter, the author reflects on a long-lost friendship while addressing a friend’s foray into MLM products. Despite the nostalgia and warmth of the reunion, the author makes it clear that they cannot support the MLM business model, citing the high failure rates associated with it. The letter ends on a positive note, expressing a desire to maintain the friendship while steering clear of any sales pitches.