I owe you a heartfelt apology. I regret the excessive emphasis I placed on your sleep routine during those early years. Some of my most challenging moments as a parent revolved around trying to get you to nap in your first few years. I yelled, I cried, and I even left you to cry at times. In hindsight, it was never about being a sleep-deprived mother but rather about the pressure I felt for you to get the rest you needed. You didn’t require a frantic mom demanding sleep; for that, I am deeply sorry.
I also apologize for the amount of time you spent around adults. Being an only child and with Daddy’s relatives living far away, there weren’t many playmates your age. Additionally, I hadn’t yet mastered the art of making mom friends, resulting in you being the focal point of adult conversations. Sometimes, I wonder if this contributed to your serious demeanor. While responsible firstborns are essential for maintaining order, I worry I may have stifled your opportunity to embrace the lighter side of childhood.
I regret the bland baby food I fed you, even if it was homemade. Your little brother enjoyed our meals from the start, leading him to develop a more adventurous taste. You were often limited to unseasoned sweet potatoes, carrots, and peas that I could whip up in my Beaba Cooker. I sincerely hope you can eventually overcome your hesitance toward flavor and explore your culinary side.
I’m also sorry for dragging you to countless baby activities before you could even sit up. The truth is, I was craving adult interaction, and you were my perfect excuse.
Moreover, I apologize for the strict discipline. We were new parents, and unfortunately, you bore the brunt of our inexperience. We were quick to discipline, and I wish we had learned sooner how to choose our battles wisely. You still carry the weight of our learning curve, as we navigate homework, curfews, and college applications together. I have loosened my grip on the idea of being the “perfect” mother, but the memories of those initial years still linger, forcing me to strive for redemption.
You gave me the most precious gift of all: the title of “Mom.” In the most profound sense, you are my first baby. I know that’s a lot for one child to carry, and I’m truly sorry.
Thank goodness for your siblings.
With all my love,
Mom
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Summary
In this heartfelt letter, a mother reflects on the challenges and mistakes made during her firstborn’s early years, expressing regret over her strictness regarding sleep, bland baby food, and the burden of being the primary focus of adult attention. She acknowledges the weight of her inexperience and emphasizes the immense love she has for her first child.