You may have heard that finding mom friends is strikingly similar to dating. I often initiate conversations, hoping to spark a connection. If we hit it off, I might suggest exchanging contact details, but sometimes I never hear back. Other times, I find myself ghosting after what I thought was a promising playdate.
At 32, married, and raising two young children, I simply can’t afford the time or energy for “dating” in friendships. Over the years, I’ve identified my non-negotiables. I recognize that my standards might be considered high, but I refuse to apologize for them, especially when it comes to the following deal breakers:
- Your Child’s Behavior: It’s normal for kids to misbehave occasionally. However, if your child is consistently aggressive or rude to mine without any remorse, that’s a problem. I want my daughter to understand she deserves respect, and I can’t allow her to be around kids who are perpetual bullies. My instinct to protect her is strong, and I won’t hesitate to distance myself if necessary.
- Your Parenting Style: Witnessing a parent mistreat their child is distressing. This includes belittling, excessive yelling, or cruel teasing. While we all lose our cool at times, it’s crucial to make amends afterward. Kids should always feel cherished and secure. I prefer to step back rather than feel compelled to intervene.
- Rewarding Tantrums: If your child is rewarded for throwing tantrums, it sets a dangerous precedent. My child might then emulate that behavior, leading us into a downward spiral of chaos. It creates a cycle of negativity that’s hard to break, and I don’t want to be caught in that loop.
- Extreme Views on Sugar: I’m all for healthier choices, but I adore sweets, and I believe that balance is key. If you’re constantly lecturing about gluten, refined sugars, and clean eating, our friendship may struggle to thrive. I appreciate diversity in parenting styles, but we should respect each other’s choices.
- Sales Pitches: I understand the hustle of supporting a family, but if our friendship feels like a constant sales pitch, it’s a turn-off. When I have extra funds, I’m more likely to spend it on a babysitter or a night out rather than whatever product you’re promoting.
- Phone Distractions: Technology has altered our social interactions. If you’re glued to your phone while I’m trying to engage with you, it’s disrespectful and damaging to our budding friendship.
- Negativity: Let’s face it: parenting can be tough. While it’s healthy to vent occasionally, some people approach life with a victim mentality, always focusing on problems without solutions. This can be draining, and I seek friendships that uplift rather than wear me down.
Ultimately, I don’t judge your parenting choices—be it dietary habits, daycare decisions, or parenting philosophies. I simply lack the bandwidth for friendships that feel burdensome. Friendship should be a source of joy, not stress. That’s a hard line for me.
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Summary: Establishing friendships as a mom involves certain deal breakers that should not be compromised. From how children interact to parenting styles and communication habits, these factors can significantly affect the quality of friendships. Maintaining a positive and supportive environment is essential, as is ensuring that relationships do not add unnecessary stress.