It’s a familiar scene: fathers of daughters issuing playful threats to any boy who dares to show interest in their little girl. Who hasn’t chuckled at the images of a dad brandishing a shotgun, glaring at their daughter’s prom date? This protective instinct kicks in early and often extends beyond just the fathers.
From the moment a newborn photo is posted online, the comments flood in: “Better keep her locked away!” or “Time to clean the shotgun!” While these remarks may be intended to be humorous, they can quickly lose their charm when taken too seriously.
I understand your protective nature, Dad. Trust me—I’m equally vigilant about my son. I don’t want him to face heartbreak or be taken advantage of any more than you want that for your daughter. As parents, it’s our job to protect our kids, regardless of gender, and the thought of them being hurt by someone else sends us into defense mode. I get that.
Now, let’s flip the scenario. Picture your daughter knocking on my door for the first time. Would you appreciate me cornering her and hissing, “Listen here, you little heartbreaker, if you hurt my son, there will be consequences”? How would that make you feel? The nerve of me to threaten your child (and insult her) before even giving her a chance to show who she is. That’s unfair, right? She’s a good girl, and she deserves to be treated with respect, especially since she’s interested in my boy.
And the same goes for our sons.
Let’s acknowledge that we’re raising our children to be responsible adults. By the time they embark on their first romantic endeavors, they should possess the maturity to navigate these situations. They shouldn’t be intimidated into behaving nicely; if they are, we’ve missed the mark in their upbringing. Besides, if a boy is only interested in one thing, he likely wouldn’t bother introducing himself to your daughter’s family.
If my son meets you and behaves inappropriately, absolutely let him know that’s not acceptable. Inform me, and I’ll ensure he hears all about it from me as well. But let’s give him the opportunity to make a good impression. Your presence alone communicates how much you value your daughter, and there’s no need for him to be scared into treating her well.
I’m raising my son to understand boundaries and consent. I’m teaching him to be respectful and considerate of other people’s feelings. I want him to recognize a woman’s worth as well as his own. I’m instilling integrity in him and equipping him with knowledge about sexual health and responsibility, so when those situations arise (and they will), he knows how to protect himself and his partner.
Hopefully, you’re raising your daughters with the same principles: to be kind, decent human beings. I trust that you believe in their ability to choose partners who reflect those values, just as I trust my son to treat people with kindness and respect because I’ve worked hard to instill those qualities in him.
So here’s my promise: when my son starts dating your daughter, I will give her the benefit of the doubt. When we meet, there will be no threats, no intimidation, and certainly no dramatic displays of power. Instead, I’ll greet her with warmth and kindness. After all, she likes my son, and I like him too—there’s already a common interest there.
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In summary, let’s work together as parents to foster respect for our children, regardless of gender. It’s time to rethink the protective narratives that can undermine our sons and daughters alike.