When my partner was eight months pregnant, I found myself in a conversation with my supervisor about my upcoming paternity leave. It was three years ago, and I was filled with anticipation and a bit of anxiety.
“Don’t take too much time off,” Mark advised, his concern evident. “Your students might really feel the impact.” As he spoke, I felt a knot in my stomach. Mark, a seasoned educator and single father, wasn’t trying to make me feel guilty, but his words resonated deeply.
At the time, I was an academic advisor for a program aimed at helping underrepresented students, juggling around 80 cases every two weeks. My partner, Mia, was due right around the end of the spring semester, a time when students often needed the most support.
But I knew that my growing family needed my attention too. We had only recently moved to Oregon, far from our home in Utah, and while Mia’s mother was planning to visit, I felt the weight of being their primary support. I had enough sick leave to cover seven weeks, and while the university allowed up to three months, I wouldn’t be compensated for all of it.
In the past, during the births of our first two children, I was working in restaurants and could only take a few days off. I often regretted not being present for those early bonding moments. So this time, I was determined to maximize my paternity leave. Yet, I found myself torn by the obligation I felt toward my job.
That evening, as we relaxed on the couch after putting the kids to bed, Mia and I discussed my leave options. “Seven weeks sounds perfect,” she said, clearly needing my support. But then I relayed Mark’s comments about my students. “I’m not worried about losing my position, but I do feel responsible for their success,” I confessed.
After some contemplation, Mia reassured me, “I’d love to have you here, but my mom will help too. I want you at the hospital, but I think we can manage.” Despite my intentions to be a devoted father first, I found myself conflicted.
It felt almost selfish to prioritize my family over work. I had internalized the notion that as a man, my role was primarily to provide financially. Taking time off felt like I was slacking or taking advantage of the system. I was the new guy, and societal pressures weighed heavily on me.
In reality, I knew that my students would likely be fine. Work would continue, but the guilt lingered. Ultimately, I chose to prioritize my job and took only two weeks off. Looking back, I regret that decision deeply. Just like before, I missed out on those precious early moments with my newborn and the chance to support Mia when she needed me most.
Now that my family is complete, I want to share my advice with expectant fathers: If you can take paternity leave, do it. Embrace every moment. Your family will benefit from your presence, and you won’t regret the time spent together during such a significant transition.
For more insights on motherhood and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy, and don’t forget to explore other topics like using an at-home insemination kit.
Summary
Balancing work obligations with family needs is a common struggle for new fathers. Taking paternity leave is crucial for bonding and supporting your partner during this life-changing period. If you have the opportunity, prioritize your family, as the moments you spend together are irreplaceable.