By: Jamie Sinclair
Updated: August 26, 2023
Originally Published: February 2, 2016
Recently, I stirred up some conversation with an essay responding to a friend’s frustrations about how her girlfriends referred to their husbands as “babysitting” when they watched the kids so the moms could have a night out. This notion clearly struck a chord, and I think it’s time to delve deeper into the matter.
Let’s clarify something: my husband is not a babysitter; he’s a parent. It’s a simple yet profound distinction that we should unpack. At its core, a parent knows what they’re doing.
As a society, we’ve grown accustomed to the perception that mothers are the primary caregivers while fathers are often seen as inept in their parenting roles. This stereotype manifests in various ways. For instance, many public men’s restrooms lack changing stations, implying that fathers wouldn’t know how to change a diaper. We also see minimal paternity leave policies, as if fathers are uninterested in bonding with their newborns. And let’s not forget the portrayal of clueless dads in TV shows and movies, perpetuating the idea that fatherhood is a comedic struggle.
This perception fosters the unfortunate reality where both men and women express disbelief when dads are praised for simply taking on their parenting responsibilities. The truth is, fathers don’t seek to be seen as exceptions; they are just doing their best to love and nurture their children. Whether it’s handling a diaper blowout, cleaning up a mess, or teaching a child how to ride a bike, these moments are part of everyday parenting.
While we should definitely acknowledge the contributions of fathers, phrases like “Dad’s babysitting tonight” or “Your wife is so lucky to have help” undermine their role. Babysitters come and go; they don’t form the deep, lasting connections that parents do. A true parent participates in important decisions about their child’s life, such as addressing bullying at school or navigating homework challenges.
My partner and I have a parenting dynamic that allows us to share responsibilities. We both have different styles, yet we adhere to the same fundamental values. Our children know what to expect from each of us. For instance, they understand that I prefer a quieter environment, while their dad is more flexible with noise. They know they can enjoy storytime in the library with him or read on my lap in their rooms. Our children adapt to our unique approaches, and this diversity enriches their upbringing.
However, just because our parenting methods differ doesn’t diminish my husband’s capabilities. He is fully aware of what to do when a child gets hurt or where to file school paperwork. He can engage them in multiplication tables, metaphors, and even teach them how to dance to viral songs. More importantly, he instills values such as love, respect, and determination.
It’s high time we shift our collective mindset away from viewing dads as the butt of jokes or as incompetent. There are many fathers who, despite not having sole custody, wish to be seen as more than just babysitters. I know men who stay home while their partners work, and they seek recognition as capable caregivers. Dads are dedicated and want to be acknowledged as responsible parents.
Let’s allow dads to be just that—parents who know exactly what they’re doing. For more insights on topics related to parenting and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy.
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In summary, it’s crucial to recognize and respect fathers as equal partners in parenting. Dads are not merely helpers; they are integral members of the family unit, contributing significantly to their children’s lives.