As a new mother, my first experience with breastfeeding was daunting. I was filled with anxiety about the process and had heard countless times that breastfeeding was essential for both bonding with my baby and ensuring their health. Formula was frequently portrayed as the inferior choice. However, the reality of breastfeeding was far from what I had anticipated.
During those initial weeks with my son, I felt increasingly isolated and troubled. Each nursing session filled me with confusion and distress. It wasn’t until I stumbled upon the writings of a humorous mother blogger that I discovered the term D-MER. She discussed her own experiences with the condition and shed light on this lesser-known phenomenon.
Sitting in my nursing chair, it dawned on me that my feelings of anxiety, panic, and even anger during letdown were not my fault. D-MER, which stands for Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex, is characterized by negative emotions occurring just before milk ejection during breastfeeding or expressing. According to the Australian Breastfeeding Association, this condition affects many mothers, yet remains largely under-discussed.
D-MER.org, run by International Board Certified Lactation Consultant Alia Macrina Heise, explains that the condition is linked to an abnormal drop in dopamine levels at the moment of milk release. This drop can lead to overwhelming negative emotions that are out of the mother’s control. Unfortunately, many women, like myself, don’t realize that seeking help from a healthcare professional can be crucial during this time.
Though I continued breastfeeding my first child, I did so without consulting my doctor, believing I could simply endure the difficult emotions. Eventually, my son refused to nurse at five months, leading me to pump for an additional seven months. The emotional toll of D-MER lingered, though I was unaware that some women experience relief while pumping. I persevered, but in hindsight, I should have sought guidance.
With the birth of my second child, I was better prepared. I learned to distract myself while nursing, and while it was easier, my milk supply diminished after ten months. When I welcomed my third child, I was determined to tackle D-MER head-on. With effective antidepressants, I felt equipped to handle the experience. Yet, after three months, my mental health declined, prompting me to seek help. Ultimately, I made the decision to stop breastfeeding at six months postpartum.
Now, as I prepare for my fourth child, I have chosen not to breastfeed this time around. The support from my partner and healthcare providers has been invaluable. I’ve learned that breastfeeding is not obligatory and that every mother’s journey is unique. If you believe you may be experiencing D-MER, or if you have in the past, don’t hesitate to reach out to your doctor for support.
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In summary, breastfeeding can be a profoundly challenging experience for some mothers, particularly those dealing with D-MER. It’s essential to recognize that seeking help and support is not only okay but necessary. Every mother deserves to make informed choices that align with her and her family’s needs.