Updated: Feb. 17, 2017
Originally Published: Feb. 17, 2017
A few weeks after welcoming my third baby into our home, life began to settle into a routine. Feeding her had been a struggle, but I was committed to breastfeeding. After some trial and error, we finally found a position she preferred, and despite the discomfort, I felt we were making progress.
Then came a Saturday morning that I will never forget. The baby was peacefully swinging, the older twins were engrossed in play, and I was enjoying a rare moment with a book. Suddenly, I was seized by a wave of panic. My heart raced, my vision blurred, and a deafening rush filled my ears. I dropped my Kindle and shouted out in fear.
My partner rushed over as I gasped for breath and sobbed, confused and terrified. He repeatedly asked what was happening, but I had no explanation. Just as quickly as the dread had enveloped me, it dissipated. I was left feeling weak, shaky, and parched—almost as if I had just survived a roller coaster ride. And then, my milk let down.
“I think I just had a panic attack,” I told him, then proceeded to nurse the baby.
Hours later, while in the kitchen, it struck again. This time, I dropped my plate and sank to the floor, sobbing. My husband hurried to my side, and once more, the panic subsided, leading to that familiar letdown sensation.
By the end of that weekend, I had experienced several panic attacks, each brief yet alarming, always followed by a letdown. I was baffled and frightened.
It took months before I discovered the root of my distress. I fell into a deep depression, teetering on the edge of despair. Though my daughter was nursing only a few times each day, the panic attacks persisted. Despite my struggles, my milk supply remained intact, and she refused to take a bottle, so I continued breastfeeding.
What I was facing was a severe case of D-MER (Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex).
In a typical breastfeeding experience, mothers often feel joy during letdown, thanks to the hormones prolactin and oxytocin. Prolactin stimulates milk production, while oxytocin fosters feelings of love and bonding. In my previous experiences with breastfeeding, I had enjoyed these emotions.
However, that’s not how it works for everyone. An excess of dopamine can inhibit prolactin release, leading the body to produce less dopamine, which in turn can cause anxiety and confusion. High oxytocin levels can also create fear, setting off a vicious cycle. The anxiety from low dopamine can trigger panic, while elevated oxytocin reinforces this memory, intensifying the emotional response during subsequent letdowns.
While many cases of D-MER are mild, involving discomfort or unease, others, like mine, can be profoundly debilitating.
The prevalence of D-MER remains uncertain, as it has only gained medical recognition in recent years. However, knowledge and research about this condition have advanced significantly. Today, there are treatments available that were not options during my ordeal.
Back then, medical professionals were hesitant to prescribe medication, unsure of its safety or efficacy. The best they could offer was reassurance that I wasn’t losing my mind, but that didn’t help ease my panic. The most common recommendation was to stop nursing entirely.
Having successfully breastfed my twins without such issues, I found it unimaginable to give up simply because I was struggling. I endured five months of confusion and despair without understanding what was happening. Even after learning the name for my condition, I thought I had to suffer for my daughter’s wellbeing. I believed that breastfeeding was driving me to madness and that I had to wait it out.
Now I understand that D-MER is not a psychiatric condition but rather a hormonal imbalance that can be treated. Those who experience D-MER don’t have to endure it; help is available, allowing mothers to continue nursing without fear.
If you think you may be suffering from D-MER, discuss it with your healthcare provider. Since this condition is still emerging in medical literature, your doctor may not be aware of it. Don’t hesitate to bring informational articles on D-MER, and encourage them to look it up. Awareness is growing rapidly, making it far easier to access information now than it was in 2012.
You don’t need to be experiencing severe D-MER to seek assistance. No mother should feel miserable and confused while feeding her child. Emotional wellbeing is essential, and no one should have to sacrifice it in the name of providing what they believe is best for their baby.
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Summary
D-MER, or Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex, is a condition that can cause severe emotional distress during breastfeeding. While many women experience mild discomfort, others may suffer debilitating panic attacks. Understanding this hormonal imbalance is crucial, as treatments are now available. Mothers experiencing D-MER should consult healthcare professionals and seek help to ensure their emotional well-being while nursing.