Last Thursday, I began my day whipping up scrambled eggs, fruit, and toast for my two little ones. Since they are 4 and nearly 2, this breakfast is quick to prepare and generally a hit with them. I don’t often rely on cereal—not out of concern for sugar content, but because my youngest finds immense joy in dumping her bowl of milk and Cheerios all over herself. I’d rather deal with a pan and a cutting board than clean up a cereal mess and give her an extra bath.
While the kids enjoyed their breakfast, I went around the house tidying up—collecting dirty towels and replacing them with fresh ones—eagerly anticipating a knock on my door. You see, I had recently penned an article about bringing a housekeeper on board, and Thursday marked her first day. Typically, Thursdays involve extensive cleaning for me, but this time, a wonderful woman entered my home and took care of the heavy lifting. I ensured everything was in its place, but the scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting, and mopping were no longer on my to-do list. I had finally handed over those duties.
She will be coming every two weeks, and the relief is palpable. Now I know that even after a hectic week—whether I’ve been under the weather or simply busy—I can always start fresh.
As our new housekeeper got to work, I took a moment to color with my son while waiting for my daughter to wake up. The following morning, I wasn’t drained from juggling deep cleaning and parenting. I wasn’t upset about what I hadn’t accomplished the previous day. It turned into one of the most pleasant Fridays I’ve had in a long time—smooth and stress-free.
With a family wedding on the horizon, I found myself less frantic about returning to a messy home. Instead of dedicating the day before to cleaning, I focused on packing. Our family actually left on time for the road trip—something that has never happened before. Typically, I’m frazzled before heading out, but not this time.
Most transitions take time to assess their efficacy, but the decision to hire a housekeeper became evidently beneficial for my family. When I shared my experience, I received mostly positive responses. Many readers chimed in, sharing their own positive experiences with housekeepers, while others expressed a desire for such assistance if finances allowed.
However, a few voices took issue with my choice, suggesting I was privileged (which I acknowledge) or labeling me as lazy. Some questioned why I would hire someone for tasks I am capable of handling—essentially, “women’s work.” It appears many struggle to understand why a woman would make a choice for her own well-being when she has the means to do so.
It’s disheartening to see the persistent notion that housework is the sole duty of the parent who spends the most time at home. This mindset shouldn’t surprise me, though, as often the stay-at-home parent is the mother, reinforcing the stereotype that housework is women’s work—despite the fact that both parents contribute to the household mess. Even when both parents work, the mother frequently ends up managing the bulk of domestic responsibilities alongside her career.
Let’s set the record straight: if you stay home to care for children, you are contributing to the household financially. If you manage errands, appointments, budgets, and meals, you are playing a crucial financial role. Childcare costs can rival mortgage payments, and all those responsibilities mothers juggle are time-consuming and valuable. It’s time to move beyond the outdated notion that being a stay-at-home parent means shouldering every non-financial task to achieve parity with their partner.
The implication that I am somehow burdening or disrespecting my husband is unfounded. He recognizes the work I do at home and understands that hiring a housekeeper is a minor expense compared to the time I would otherwise spend cleaning. He values my contribution to our family and respects my autonomy to choose how I spend my time. I extend the same respect to him.
I won’t be pressured into performing favors just to justify my decision to hire help. If you have a problem with it, that’s on you.
As for the claim that I’m taking the easy way out, let me share a glimpse into my “nothing.” Currently, I’m advocating for my son, who is both autistic and gifted, navigating his school system for necessary educational accommodations. Last night alone, I spent hours on the phone with educational professionals, seeking guidance and making appointments. Today, I dealt with lawyers, advocates, and therapists, all while balancing my responsibilities at home.
There’s a lengthy to-do list regarding my son’s education that demands attention. Right now, I’m not checking off tasks because I am addressing this ridiculous backlash instead. But guess what? Dusting the ceiling fans isn’t on my list anymore—thank goodness.
Hiring a housekeeper doesn’t mean my children get a free pass on chores. They’re still learning to contribute by picking up their toys and helping set and clear the table. They understand that being part of a family means pitching in to make life easier for everyone. And trust me, I’m not waiting until after cleaning day to keep the home in order. I regularly clean throughout the week to maintain some semblance of order.
Even if I had all the time in the world to do nothing, why should that bother anyone? It seems some people believe that all mothers should stay at home, maintain perfect houses, and have dinner ready when their husbands arrive. They expect women to embrace this lifestyle without complaint and to fulfill outdated notions of marital duties.
I think the world would be better if strangers on the internet refrained from suggesting I owe sexual favors for hiring someone to clean my floors twice a month. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but let’s keep it respectful.
In conclusion, hiring a housekeeper has allowed me to reclaim my time and reduce stress, enabling me to focus on what truly matters—my family.