A couple of years ago, I made an offhand remark that unintentionally hurt a friend within the LGBTQ community. When I realized my mistake, I felt a wave of nausea and horror wash over me. It was a painful reminder of how I had fallen short as an ally. In that moment, my intentions or feelings didn’t matter—what truly counted was how I chose to respond. I offered a heartfelt apology, vowed to learn from my error, and ultimately became a more supportive ally.
Such humbling experiences can be uncomfortable, and I still feel a twinge of regret when reflecting on that incident. However, I’ve learned that these feelings can either lead to defensiveness or serve as a catalyst for growth. I’ve chosen the latter, committing myself to ongoing learning and unlearning.
I’m also dedicated to teaching my children how to be effective allies, so they can avoid inflicting pain and experiencing regret like I did. Many parents share this desire, which is why “Cultivating LGBTQ Allies” by Jamie Thompson, published recently, is an essential resource for our journey.
Part memoir and part instructional guide, “Cultivating LGBTQ Allies” equips parents, teachers, and caregivers with the knowledge needed to foster allyship. Thompson candidly shares common pitfalls, practical advice for sidestepping them, and his personal journey towards understanding and acceptance.
The first step to being a good ally is to embrace humility, keeping an open mind to the lessons shared by voices like Thompson’s. It’s a lesson I’ve learned the hard way, but one that is crucial. With greater humility comes enhanced learning and growth, allowing us to become better allies who can raise the next generation of allies.
It’s important to accept that we will make mistakes—trust me, it happens to everyone. Acknowledging our errors is difficult, but we can create an environment where humility and self-education are the norms. This book opens up vital conversations about the possibility of having LGBTQ children or family members, challenges the status quo of heteronormativity, and encourages us to explore our own biases so we don’t unintentionally pass them on.
I want my kids to be compassionate allies, and I’m sure you do too. To do this, we need resources, guidance, and forgiveness from friends, as well as insightful books like this one.
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