Pregnancy can evoke a range of emotions, particularly for those who have experienced past trauma. While I longed for a child, I found myself feeling anger and a profound sense of violation. Why, I wondered, couldn’t I simply enjoy this anticipated journey?
Fortunately, I had a compassionate physician, Dr. Emily, who recognized my struggles. I initially downplayed my history, casually mentioning my past abuse. However, she was perceptive and informed me that pregnancy could stir deep emotional responses. “It’s not uncommon for survivors to feel as though they’ve been assaulted again during this time,” she said.
Acknowledging this truth was difficult, but I soon learned that pregnancy can indeed provoke flashbacks and may increase the likelihood of postpartum depression for survivors. The various tests and examinations can exacerbate feelings of vulnerability, making it essential to take steps towards healing and control. Here are some strategies that can help:
1. Create a Personalized Birth Plan
Each survivor of sexual abuse must evaluate their options and select what aligns best with their needs. Dr. Emily presented me with the choice of a C-section, but I opted for an induction instead. This allowed me to prepare emotionally for labor without unexpected surprises. We also planned for an epidural to alleviate physical pain, which could mitigate trauma associated with the experience. I decided against birthing classes, as they felt overwhelming and could trigger distressing memories. Discuss your preferences with your healthcare provider to craft a birth plan that feels right for you. Remember, there’s no one right way to give birth.
2. Seek Support
During my pregnancy, I needed a blood test that required me to remove my jeans. A nurse allowed a student to administer the injection, which made me feel uncomfortable. I learned that advocating for myself was not selfish; it was necessary. By expressing my needs, I was prioritizing my well-being, and the medical staff was supportive of that.
3. Take Charge
Medical exams can be particularly challenging for survivors. My doctor communicated each step before any physical contact, which helped me feel more in control. When one test proved difficult, she guided me to attempt it privately, which felt empowering. After my baby was born, complications arose, and Dr. Emily arranged for sedation during the follow-up procedure to minimize emotional strain.
4. Remind Yourself: This Too Shall Pass
I often felt overwhelmed and feared I might be permanently changed by my experiences. While the physical pain lingered, I was surprised to find that emotional healing was possible too. Following a corrective procedure, I felt a renewed sense of lightness and relief—it does get better.
5. Take Breaks When Needed
In moments of anxiety or discomfort during procedures, requesting a pause can help regain a sense of control. Take a moment to breathe deeply, sip water, or hold your partner’s hand—whatever helps you feel grounded.
6. Release Expectations
Pregnancy brings a whirlwind of physical changes and emotions, particularly for those with a history of trauma. It’s natural to feel a mix of joy and apprehension. I experienced nightmares and days of sadness, and I learned to accept these feelings without judgment. Let go of the notion of how you “should” feel and embrace the reality of your experience. Remember, your journey is valid, and the love you’ll share with your child is an incredible achievement.
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Summary
Navigating pregnancy as a survivor of past sexual abuse can be challenging, but with the right support and strategies, healing is possible. Create a tailored birth plan, advocate for your needs, and remember that it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions. Embrace your experience and take steps to care for your mental and emotional well-being as you prepare to welcome your newborn.