Yesterday, I shared a picture of my youngest daughter, Mia, swinging in the backyard with my mom. At just 2 years old, she has bright blonde hair and captivating blue-green eyes. From what I’ve gathered, she resembles my mom at that same age, and I made sure to mention it in my text. My mom replied with an enthusiastic “LOL. Yes, she really does!” Having only acquired a smartphone a couple of years ago in her early 60s, this change has significantly improved our relationship.
It’s not that we harbor animosity; rather, our history is intricate. When I was 12, amidst the chaos of my parents’ divorce and my father’s subsequent passing, I made a drastic choice and left home while my mother was busy with her second job. Those were tumultuous times, and I eventually moved in with my paternal grandmother—a woman I adored but whom my mom resented.
Our relationship has been strained ever since. Now, at 33, with three children of my own, I wish for my mom to be a part of their lives. However, every conversation feels tinged with our past grievances. I want her to be involved, but our history complicates matters. My children deserve a loving grandmother, and my mom longs to fulfill that role. Unfortunately, her presence in their lives has been limited. Since moving to Oregon from Utah, she’s visited a handful of times—perhaps between seven and ten visits in the last seven years.
To bridge this gap, I send her weekly photos of my children having fun, whether they’re playing outside or enjoying ice cream. Sometimes, I’ll send videos of their antics or sports moments. Our exchanges are brief but meaningful. She often asks me to convey her love to the kids or inquires about their birthday wishes. Everything is done through text, which might seem unusual to friends with more traditional family dynamics, but for me, it has created the most positive relationship I’ve had with my mother.
This method allows us to avoid the tension of past conflicts. Instead of confronting old wounds, we simply share images and emojis, almost as if the past doesn’t hold weight anymore. My kids haven’t noticed any awkwardness during our Skype chats, even though my wife has picked up on it. But they’re still young, all under 10, and there’s time for things to evolve.
Recently, my mom joined Facebook, and although she’s late to the game, it appears to invigorate her. It has opened another channel for us to connect—she comments on my posts, and I do the same for hers. My children are now showing interest in what Grandma is up to online, which is a promising sign.
While this digital connection may not be what either of us envisioned, it has become a valuable lifeline in rebuilding our relationship. I find myself motivated to strengthen my bond with my children, and I hope that this newfound mode of communication could signal a renewal in my relationship with my mom. I envision a future where I can seek her advice and share moments without the burden of our history looming over us.
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In summary, my relationship with my mother has transformed through the use of text messaging and social media. While it may not be the ideal scenario, it allows us to communicate without the weight of our past, paving the way for a more positive future for our family.