When I embarked on the journey of motherhood, I had no idea about the myriad truths that would unfold. Here are three essential revelations:
- Labor is more painful than you can fathom.
- Breastfeeding is also a trial.
- Adolescence brings its own pain (refer back to point one).
However, the most significant insight that eluded me is that parenting is merely a phase—a temporary role in a broader life journey. The narrative that parenting lasts a lifetime, that your children will always require you, is a myth. I believe parenting, much like pregnancy, should be viewed as a temporary assignment.
Remember how pregnancy felt like it would never end? Time crawls as your belly expands, and then, in a blink, it’s over. You transition from expecting to holding your baby, and your life is transformed forever. Even the longest pregnancies culminate in the arrival of a precious new life. The end of pregnancy is inevitable.
I should have recognized that the conclusion of parenting is also unavoidable, but no one ever discussed the “gestation” period for parenting or when it might conclude. There is an endpoint, albeit not a fixed one.
Initially, parenting stretches on indefinitely—sleepless nights, worries over friendships, countless hours assisting with homework, sweltering days on the soccer field, and concerts that seem to drag on. And then—just like that—it’s over. You’re crucial to every decision until, suddenly, your input is no longer valued. Thanks for playing, though.
Veteran parents often told me that parenting would be the toughest job I’d ever love. Yet, they failed to mention that it’s the only profession where hard work and a bit of luck may lead to being let go. It appears that in parenting, true success means reaching the pinnacle of your career when you find yourself unemployed.
As much as I cherish being a parent, if I succeed (and I hope I do), I will transition from a full-time role to that of an occasional consultant, called upon only when my expertise or credit card is required. If I’ve done my job well, I’ll eventually be let go, losing my clients.
Interestingly, if I am fortunate, this transition will yield competent, passionate, and caring young adults instead of a gold watch at retirement. Congratulations! You’re fired.
Of course, I might still engage in some parenting activities. My phone may ring, and one of my kids might call to ask how to prepare an artichoke. There may be long-distance calls lamenting the loss of various items. Perhaps I can offer comfort during heartbreaks.
Yet, I firmly believe that this parenting role is designed for obsolescence. I will always be a parent, but the act of parenting will fade over time—as it should. When my children no longer rely on me, that will be my evidence of having done my job effectively. After all, what’s the reward for completing this demanding project? No golden watch awaits upon retirement.
There is already evidence of my parenting journey. The countless birthday celebrations, friendship dramas, and midnight rescues in my slippers are more than mere memories; they are reflected in my growing gray hairs, a multitude of family photographs, and cherished picture books still tucked on the shelf, the words of which I know by heart.
The true testament to my success—and a stroke of good fortune—lies in the young adults who share my genetics and my passion for cinema. My oldest has not only survived her first year after college but is also successfully employed. My second child took the initiative to organize a gap year across the country and is now attending college as promised. And my youngest, a high school freshman, is nearly ready to launch into adulthood.
It appears my days of hands-on parenting are dwindling as my previous responsibilities can now be delegated to alarm clocks, laundromats, takeout menus, friends, partners, colleagues, teachers, mentors, and therapists. I am ready to embrace a jobless future, banking on my children to rise to the occasion and not rely on me to wake them up, scour for job opportunities, or seek emotional support.
I am hopeful for their futures, and I’ll gladly accept my new role as a consultant—available to assist when necessary, but thankfully underemployed.
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Summary:
In conclusion, parenting is a temporary job that, like pregnancy, eventually shifts into a new role. As children grow and become independent, parents can step back, confident in the skills they have instilled. The ultimate success of parenting is reflected in the capable young adults who emerge, ready to navigate their own lives. Expecting a gold watch at retirement is unrealistic; the real reward is the growth and independence of our children.