Let’s get real for a moment. I’ve battled with Judgy Mom Syndrome. As someone who typically embraces the “you do you” philosophy, parenting threw me into an unexpected realm where I started to judge others, fueled by my own insecurities. After twenty months of navigating motherhood, I’ve discovered how easily one can slip into the role of a sanctimommy—here’s how it happened.
Step 1: Engaging in a Parenting Choice That Invites Criticism
For me, that choice was co-sleeping. Armed with pamphlets from birthing classes warning about the hazards of sharing my bed with a newborn, I had no plans to co-sleep. I had purchased a high-tech bassinet that could swivel, soothe, and play lullabies.
Yet, after a few sleepless nights of my son, Liam, waking up repeatedly in that bassinet, I resorted to bringing him into bed with me to nurse him back to sleep. Initially, I’d gently place him back in his bassinet after nursing, but eventually, we both fell asleep together. With him just a few inches away, it became easier to nurse him throughout the night without fully waking up. It worked for us, but the fear of judgment loomed large. I constantly came across comments warning about bed-sharing—ranging from “your child will end up in your bed until they’re six” to “you’re putting your baby at risk.”
Step 2: Seeking Out Like-Minded Moms
I turned to the internet, searching for co-sleeping groups, and found a plethora of online communities. I joined several groups dedicated to co-sleeping, breastfeeding, and attachment parenting, where I discovered countless parents in similar situations.
At first, it was comforting to see others who shared my parenting style. However, things quickly escalated. I started reading posts framing non-co-sleeping parents as disconnected from their children. Then came the memes proclaiming co-sleeping as the only “responsible” choice, supported by articles from scientific journals. I began to believe that my parenting choices were not only acceptable but also the right way to parent.
Step 3: Embracing Judgment
Before long, I was a fervent advocate for co-sleeping, babywearing, and extended breastfeeding. I wanted to educate others, convinced that I was sharing the “truth” about parenting. I would comment on posts, sharing “science-based” facts, often disregarding the choices of friends who did things differently. It felt like a safe space, but in reality, it bred a toxic environment where anyone outside our echo chamber was seen as “doing it wrong.”
Step 4: The Turning Point
As time passed, co-sleeping became less idyllic. At six months, Liam was nursing more frequently, and my back ached from the awkward positions I slept in. I noticed my relationship with my partner suffering due to our lack of shared time, as I was always in bed with Liam by 7:30 p.m.
I attempted to seek support for transitioning Liam to his crib, but the resources I found often clashed with my attachment parenting principles. The judgment surrounding any changes I wanted to make weighed heavily on me. I realized that no mother intends to harm her child with her decisions, yet the fear of being labeled a “bad mom” was suffocating.
Step 5: Embracing Healing
Fortunately, I found my refuge in a supportive mom group that truly embraced a nonjudgmental ethos. Here, I was encouraged to share personal experiences without the need for “evidence” from dubious sources. We uplifted one another, recognizing that every family is unique, and each mother loves her child deeply.
I’ve since taken steps to overhaul my social media feed, unfollowing groups and individuals that perpetuated negativity. I’ve breastfed Liam, weaned him at 13 months, co-slept and sleep-trained, and balanced daycare with personal care. Ultimately, the choices I make are for me and my son alone.
It’s high time we trust mothers to know what’s best for their families and stop the cycle of judgment. Remember, comments meant to educate can sometimes hurt the most.
For more on parenting choices and support, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination from the NIH. And if you’re interested in artificial insemination methods, visit our blog post on the at-home insemination kit.
Summary:
The journey of motherhood can often lead to judgment—both from others and ourselves. This article recounts how one mom navigated the challenges of co-sleeping, judgment, and ultimately found a supportive community that allowed her to embrace her unique parenting style. By fostering understanding and acceptance among mothers, we can create a more supportive environment for all.