Updated: Dec. 18, 2015
Originally Published: Aug. 8, 2015
As a new parent, I often found myself listening to experienced mothers share their stories of child-rearing and offer advice, all while longing to be supportive. Yet, their well-intentioned comments sometimes hit a nerve. In moments of pride and fatigue, I would dismiss their words, feeling a twinge of offense.
Now that I have traversed the challenging landscape of parenting, I understand the urge seasoned parents feel to share their experiences with those who are just starting out. However, when I hear a mother struggling with her young children, I hold back from saying things like “things will get easier” or “I’m glad I’m past that.” I recognize that such remarks might not be received positively.
It’s a natural impulse, once you’ve conquered a challenge, to express relief and offer advice to those currently facing it. My memories of those early years, filled with sleepless nights and frantic attempts at keeping sanity, are warm and nostalgic. Yet, as an experienced mother, I refrain from interjecting my thoughts about how things would improve or suggesting solutions.
The reality is that comments such as these often come off as dismissive or condescending, as if I’m implying “you’re doing it wrong” or “I’m glad I’m not in your position.” I remember feeling that sting as a new mom, even when those sentiments were unspoken. Instead of offering unsolicited advice, I aim to connect with a spirit of empathy and solidarity, acknowledging, “I’ve been there, and it’s tough. You will get through this.”
At the same time, I’m aware that parents of younger children might look at my own situation and voice their fears about the teenage years, saying things like, “I don’t even want to think about that!” My instinct is to defend my kids, reminding myself that they will always be my babies, regardless of age. While it’s easy to romanticize the early years, I know that these later stages of parenting are equally rewarding, offering rich conversations and deeper connections with my children.
When we judge one another, we weaken the bonds that unite us as parents. My children were once small like theirs, and one day, their kids will grow up too. There is no hierarchy in our struggles; both of us are warriors on the same battlefield, just a decade apart. We must practice grace.
I’ve learned that grace sometimes means keeping my opinions to myself and simply listening. By engaging openly with one another, we cultivate understanding and support, sharing the journey of parenting together.
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In summary, as we navigate the complexities of parenting, let us remember the importance of compassion and understanding. Rather than judging one another, let’s embrace our shared experiences and support each other through the ups and downs of raising children.