When my first child, Oliver, was born, he would only sleep in my arms on the sofa for the first three months. While some might not classify this as co-sleeping, it certainly wasn’t restful for me. My head was propped awkwardly between the couch arm and the bookshelf, and I was anything but comfortable. My partner, Sarah, and I took turns; she handled the first half of the night while I took over for the latter half. It was exhausting, but after three months, when we finally got him to sleep while lying down, he preferred our bed over the crib.
I can’t recall how long we co-slept—perhaps nine months to a year—but after those initial months of sleepless nights, having a wiggly baby in our bed felt like a luxury. Ironically, though, many parents judged Sarah for this choice. They rarely directed their criticism at me, despite my full support of co-sleeping. I remember a conversation with a fellow parent at our church. When I mentioned my tiredness, he suggested I have a talk with Sarah about our sleeping arrangements. He insisted that we should let Oliver “cry it out.”
As a new father, I didn’t think much of it at the time, but later I found myself questioning why it was solely Sarah’s responsibility. Parenting is a partnership; when it comes to sleepless nights, blaming one parent isn’t fair. The truth is, children’s sleep patterns vary widely. Some are naturally good sleepers, while others are not. Assigning blame to a parent for their child’s sleeplessness is as ludicrous as blaming gravity for a broken egg.
While sleep experts may offer all sorts of advice, what new parents truly need is support, not judgment. It’s vital to recognize that co-sleeping often stems from genuine parental decisions aimed at the well-being of the family.
I have three children now, and my youngest is about to turn four. Unless they’re unwell, all of them sleep through the night. Each child co-slept for different lengths of time, and we always made decisions together about what worked best for us. Parenting can be challenging, and while it can feel overwhelming, it’s essential to focus on what works for our unique families rather than worrying about societal expectations.
Ultimately, we must cultivate an environment of support and understanding rather than judgment. Parenting—especially on little sleep—is a tough journey, and we should embrace each other with compassion rather than criticism.
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In summary, co-sleeping is a personal choice that should not attract shame or judgment. It’s essential to foster a supportive community where parents can feel free to make decisions that best suit their families.