Just because you don’t have a friendly relationship with your ex doesn’t imply you’re not a good co-parent.
As a single parent, I’ve noticed an increase in the number of friends who are navigating divorce. Some have established a co-parenting dynamic that works well for them. They’re able to communicate effectively and manage their responsibilities without much fuss.
On the other hand, I know someone who feels completely overwhelmed at the sight of her ex. Their history is fraught with tension, and even with attempts to keep things civil for their kids, they ultimately decided to bring in a mediator. They are also finding a way to make co-parenting work.
When you’re divorced and share children, it’s impossible to just sever ties completely. You have to find a way to raise your kids together, even if it means sharing custody.
I count myself among the fortunate ones when it comes to my ex-husband. We co-parent effectively, and while we’ve had our disagreements, we’ve managed to keep things civil. Initially, after our divorce, we even shared special occasions and trips together.
However, I quickly realized how unusual that was. People often praised our dynamic, saying, “That’s how you co-parent!” But I knew that such comments could make others feel inadequate if their co-parenting situation looked different.
Over time, our relationship has shifted. We respect each other’s partners now, so we no longer take trips together or have family dinners. Just because we can’t do those things anymore doesn’t mean we aren’t co-parenting well. We’re simply adapting to what works best for everyone involved.
Recently, a social media post from a well-known figure celebrating with their ex made me reflect on my own situation. It triggered some feelings of doubt about whether I was doing enough for my kids. It also made me nostalgic for the times when holidays were spent together with my ex, both during and after our marriage.
But then I remembered the progress we’ve made and the hard work it took to get here. The truth is, our co-parenting arrangement works for us, and that’s what truly matters.
Just because someone can vacation with their ex or maintain a friendly rapport doesn’t mean they are doing it better than you. Similarly, if another couple manages to keep it strictly business without emotional turmoil, that doesn’t reflect on your situation either.
Messages implying there’s only one way to co-parent can be harmful to those who are struggling. It’s perfectly fine if some people can share holidays or take pictures with their ex, and it’s equally valid if you don’t want to engage in those activities.
The reality is that relationships with ex-partners can be incredibly complex and will evolve over time. New partners may have their feelings about your previous relationship, and that’s part of the journey.
A Reminder for Co-Parents
So, here’s a reminder to all co-parents: not being on vacation or friendly terms with your ex does not mean you’re failing at co-parenting. As we approach a new year, it’s important to recognize that there’s no universal standard for what co-parenting should look like. Everyone has their own preferences, and that’s completely fine.
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In summary, co-parenting looks different for everyone. It’s essential to focus on what works for you and your children rather than comparing your situation to others. Remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to co-parenting.