Last year, I faced a difficult choice regarding my son’s kindergarten enrollment. As the fall enrollment season approached, my partner and I found ourselves at a crossroads. Our four-year-old had been exhibiting aggressive and disruptive behaviors at daycare. Despite consulting with various doctors and specialists, we remained uncertain whether this behavior stemmed from developmental delays in impulse control or early signs of ADHD.
Like many parents, I initially believed that throwing money at the issue might resolve it. I immersed myself in books, sought advice from numerous behavior specialists, and connected with other parents facing similar challenges. I even purchased a variety of tools—weighted blankets, calming swings, fidget spinners, you name it.
So, when it came time to select a kindergarten, I applied the same mindset. Although we were zoned for a decent public school, I convinced myself that an elite private institution would provide the personalized attention my son needed. With a teacher-to-student ratio of 1:18, significantly better than the public school’s 1:26, I decided to pay the steep tuition, thinking it was the right move for my son.
However, my son lasted just 24 days at that prestigious school. We were summoned for what we anticipated would be a meeting to formulate a plan to address his disruptive behavior. Instead, we were told to collect his belongings; the teacher had reached her limit. My heart shattered for my son. We had all worked so hard—especially him—and seeing him dismissed so easily was heartbreaking. The focus seemed to be solely on test scores and academic achievements. I thought, “These kids are only five!” Why weren’t they prioritizing behavior, social skills, and communication? I didn’t care if he was reading at a first-grade level if he couldn’t engage with his peers.
The very next day, we enrolled him in the public school, determined to keep his routine intact and hopeful about new friends and a fresh start. I shared all my concerns with the new teacher and even met with the principal. I was in full defense mode, ready to navigate this new landscape. We discussed 504s and IEPs, and I was astounded by the plethora of free resources available to us. Ultimately, we chose not to pursue any of these options as it became clear that my son was much happier and more comfortable in this new environment, leading to a natural improvement in his behavior.
The teacher at the public school turned out to be a tremendous blessing. She took the time to earn my son’s respect and made him feel valued and secure. Her approach was firm yet kind. Almost daily, she communicated with me about my concerns, offering suggestions and even sending pictures and notes about my son’s day during her breaks to ease my worries.
She implemented strategies to support his attention and need for personal space, rearranging furniture and seating arrangements. In her eyes, my son was not a burden; he was a valued member of the classroom. This stark contrast to the private school experience was eye-opening.
While we still faced behavioral challenges and occasional trips to the principal’s office, the aggressive behaviors decreased by 90%. The remaining 10% was addressed simply through time. My son will turn six next month, and it turns out he just needed a bit more time to develop than some of his classmates.
Public school has been a godsend for my son. If only I had realized earlier that money wouldn’t solve behavioral issues. Everything he needed was readily available in the public education system, complemented by the best teacher I could have hoped for.
There was a silver lining to our private school experience: the administration refunded our substantial tuition, which we used for a much-needed family vacation to the beach to reconnect after one of our toughest experiences. As I stood on the shore, reflecting on our journey, I felt immense gratitude for finding a safe and nurturing space for my son and for the incredible teachers who dedicate themselves to our children. My son is exactly where he belongs, and that is all a mother could ever wish for.
For more insights on parenting and educational choices, check out our post here. Additionally, for authoritative information on this topic, you can visit Newsweek’s rankings. For excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, explore Progyny’s blog.
In summary, my experience taught me that a nurturing environment is more crucial than expensive tuition. Public school provided the support my son needed to thrive, and I regret not recognizing this sooner.