Are you feeling overwhelmed today, perhaps feeling like everything is going wrong? Did the morning turn into a chaotic scramble? Are you standing there, red-faced and shouting about being late, zipping up coats and tying shoelaces in frustration? I’m so exhausted, beyond tired.
Is your patience wearing thin, barely holding on? Did your child leave their sandwich untouched, and now their face is smeared with dirt? Are you seeking refuge in the closet, or sitting in your car post-drop-off, regretting the harsh words you shouted? Oh, why couldn’t I have been kinder today?
Do you find yourself worrying about their memories of these moments? Are you afraid they’ll look back at their childhood and only remember the angry outbursts, the forgotten snacks, and the stressful mornings?
Breathe, dear mother. Trust that they won’t remember. Keep this in mind: children do not catalog time or analyze it like a spreadsheet. They don’t keep score of your missteps. They simply don’t.
As time goes on and this phase of life passes, your children will view their childhood as a cohesive whole, filled with warmth and significant emotions. They’ll focus on the joyful days, the laughter, and the love. Those little moments of frustration that feel monumental right now? They will fade into the background.
Your children won’t recall the minor errors, like the time you forgot their snack or lost your temper during a prolonged French horn solo. They won’t remember the times you grumbled about reading “just two books” even if you did it with irritation. If anything, they will remember that you took the time to read those two books.
They will recall the light in your eyes when they walked towards you from school, or how you were the first in line to pick them up on a snowy day. They’ll remember the prints you left in the snow—little and big boots side by side—playing and catching snowflakes, and you saying, “Just one more minute,” as they begged for a little more playtime.
They’ll cherish the way you shielded their eyes from the water during bath time, or the comforting scent of your neck as you kissed them goodnight on those cherished evenings. They’ll think back to those Wednesday night dance parties when “With or Without You” played, blissfully unaware of your own memories of a distant prom night.
They will laugh at your corny jokes, like the old horse at the bar, even as they grow older and roll their eyes. They will remember the way you leaned close to the mirror while applying mascara, the unique shape of your body, and how you allowed them to sit quietly nearby, absorbing the moment.
They won’t remember the times the pancakes burned; they will remember the Sunday mornings filled with the sweet aroma of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls and the joy of licking icing off the knife. They will remember your apologies whenever you raised your voice, the reassurance that “Mama is not perfect, but she loves you dearly.”
This is what they will hold onto. You might doubt this, but think about your own childhood. Reflect on what you remember from when you were little. Then ask your children about recent memories, about their experiences at ages 2, 3, 4, 6, and 8. They’ll share their stories.
Your kids won’t dwell on the minor mistakes or moments of frustration. So, be gentler with yourself. See yourself through their eyes. Remember the things they will cherish, and have faith that they won’t remember your little failings.
They will remember that you were present, that you loved them, and that you tried your best. These are the memories that will last.
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In summary, while parenting can feel overwhelming at times, your children will remember the love, the joy, and the simple moments that made their childhood special. Focus on those treasured memories, and let go of the small missteps.