It seems that many of my most challenging conversations with my children occur during car rides. Recently, my five-year-old expressed something surprising about herself that prompted me to reflect on my openness as a parent. She mentioned that a simple blanket between her legs at bedtime felt physically pleasurable. My little one was sharing a sentiment of a sexual nature that I hadn’t anticipated. I’m thankful we can have this dialogue; it allows me to educate her about sexual health, even at such a young age. What she shared was unexpected but entirely normal, healthy, and developmentally appropriate.
The term “sexual behavior” is now part of my parenting vocabulary. Apart from my partner, there’s no better source for our children to learn about sexual health than us. A child’s age and development influence how they explore their bodies and grasp the concept of sexual behavior. When our twin daughters were three and began to learn about body parts, they affectionately referred to penises as “peanuts.” It was cute, so I hesitated to correct them. Now that they are five, I recognize the importance of using anatomically accurate terms, so they understand how to say “penis” correctly. Their questions have evolved to practical inquiries like “why do boys wear different underwear than girls?” which I can easily address.
Between the ages of 2-6, children become curious about their bodies, including their genitals, and start asking questions about others’ private parts. For my daughters, this especially included inquiries about breasts and their function. We navigated these discussions by answering their questions clearly, even when it made me uncomfortable. We talked openly about breastfeeding, and as they continued to ask, we remained honest to ensure they understood how their bodies work, promoting comfort rather than shame regarding natural functions.
As my kids now fall into the 6-9 age category, their curiosity continues to develop. They request more privacy and are becoming independent in the bathroom. They ask age-appropriate questions like “how does a baby come out of a vagina?” or “which hole does the baby come out of?” Surprisingly, this is also the age when they may start to explore masturbation in private.
As family physician Dr. Lisa Anderson notes, it’s crucial to teach children to be discreet about masturbation while ensuring they never feel ashamed for it. Understanding what feels good and the functions of their bodies is essential for their journey to becoming healthy young adults. Our kids naturally seek pleasure, and we must reassure them that it’s perfectly okay. If they engage in masturbation in public or around others, that’s when we need to have a different kind of conversation, explaining that it’s a private activity meant for solitude.
Teaching kids about consent is also vital from an early age, emphasizing that their bodies and genitals belong to them alone and that they have every right to say no if someone makes them uncomfortable. This ongoing dialogue should adapt as they grow and mature.
As children transition to the 10-13 age group, they continue to explore masturbation, ideally in private. They also begin developing interests in relationships and use sexual terminology like masturbation, sex, and intercourse. As their comprehension of sexual behavior deepens, so does their vocabulary, allowing them to better articulate their preferences and experiences.
I want my children to feel heard, understood, and accepted for who they are, which includes their sexual health and behaviors. While it may be jarring to encounter them during private moments, we must foster an environment where they feel secure discussing these topics with us, free from shame.
Educating our kids about their bodies is not something they should have to navigate alone. Just as we guide their growth in other aspects of life, we should also support their sexual health. Our role is to ensure their emotional, physical, mental, and sexual well-being while teaching them to do the same for themselves.
For more insights on parenting and sexual health, check out this other blog post and learn from experts in the field. If you’re looking for additional resources on pregnancy, this site is excellent.
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In summary, it’s essential to approach conversations about children’s bodies and sexual health with openness and a focus on education. Our kids deserve to feel comfortable discussing these topics, and we must prepare ourselves to guide them positively and constructively.