I rarely get quality time with one of my closest friends, and it’s not due to distance; we live a mere five minutes apart. Instead, it’s the whirlwind of life that keeps us from connecting. While her children have grown and engage in different activities, mine are still navigating the world of sports with schedules that rarely align. Work commitments, family dynamics, and the need for personal downtime all collide, making it challenging to carve out moments for each other.
I truly want to improve our connection, but I find comfort in knowing she understands that I may be quiet for a while. The occasional text exchange we manage to squeeze in over a month or two feels like a treasure, and I never complain about the lack of communication. Life can be chaotic, and neither of us takes silence to heart. We love each other, even during those quiet times.
I’m fortunate to have other friends who share this understanding. What I need from them is patience and empathy, not resentment or anger.
In the past, I had a friend who would often post passive-aggressive remarks on social media about feeling excluded from gatherings. She excelled at “vaguebooking,” making it clear to me what she was upset about without naming names. After seeing the photos I shared with mutual friends, she would lament about never being invited anywhere. She meticulously tracked our outings but seemed oblivious to the times I wasn’t included in her plans. Another friend kept a scorecard, constantly reminding me of who reached out last or who invited whom. She would express frustration when others didn’t contact her within a timeline she deemed acceptable.
With my busy schedule, I barely have time for the wonderful people in my life; I certainly won’t invest energy into relationships with unrealistic expectations or unnecessary drama. I’ve since distanced myself from these friends, not for lack of trying, but because I felt I could never meet their demands. It became exhausting, and I withdrew. Instead of recognizing that they could adjust their expectations or even communicate their needs more effectively, they chose to part ways with me, often with dramatic flair. They assumed my quietness was a personal failing rather than an indication of my own life’s chaos. Ultimately, it was best for us to go our separate ways.
Perhaps I had high expectations. Maybe I wasn’t the friend they needed. While it hurt initially to feel dismissed, I came to appreciate the true value of friendships that don’t take things too personally.
I admit, I don’t always respond promptly. I should express my love more often. I forget to call when I mean to, and I don’t always make the effort to schedule coffee dates. These might be seen as flaws, yet the friends closest to me share these imperfections too. We’re all human. I’ve chosen to surround myself with people who trust my loyalty and understand that when I seem unavailable, it’s about my circumstances, not them.
My friends instinctively know when to check in on me. They reach out without judgment, offering compassion instead of withholding it. They might miss my presence, but rather than allowing frustration to overshadow affection, they recognize when it’s important to connect.
For this, I am incredibly grateful. True friends don’t keep score; instead, they dive into each other’s lives when it truly matters. When communication falters, we inquire about how we can support one another. We recognize how hectic life can be—work, children, aging parents, and personal struggles can easily lead to withdrawal. Seek out those who understand. Find friends who send a meme just to remind you that you’re loved. Hold on to those who recognize the struggle in your silence and love you despite it.
If we manage to exchange a few texts and gifs that serve as a conversation, we feel connected again. We don’t grieve the communication we once had; instead, we find relief in knowing that even amidst life’s interruptions, we still share meaningful exchanges, even if they’re punctuated by bedtimes or expressed through emojis.
Thank you to the friends who hear me when I’m quiet. I hear you as well. Though I may be silent, my love for you is ever-present.
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Summary:
Friendships can be tested by the busyness of life, but true friends understand and support each other, even during periods of silence. It’s essential to appreciate those who don’t keep score and to find connections that remain strong despite the chaos.