There’s a well-known joke that contrasts the parenting styles of first-time parents versus those with multiple children. Having been on this parenting journey for 16 years, I can attest to its truthfulness: the first child often experiences a highly scrutinized upbringing, while the youngest tends to enjoy a more relaxed approach. Though these comparisons can be exaggerated for comedic effect, they impart an important lesson for all parents: perfection isn’t necessary.
I completely understand the overwhelming flood of advice that begins the moment you discover you’re expecting. Everyone seems to have an opinion, whether they’ve read a book, consulted a doctor, or experienced parenting challenges themselves. I’ve found myself in that position, and I suspect many of us have too.
In our Instagram-driven world, where curated family photos often showcase idealized lives, it’s easy to become fixated on minor details. The love we feel for our children can drive us to strive for an impossible standard. Want to join the PTA? Sure! How about coaching a sports team? Absolutely! A spotless home and the perfect organic meals? Why not! A career that fosters independence, a fit lifestyle, romance with your partner, and lunchboxes that are Pinterest-worthy? It’s exhausting to think about.
The reality often looks more like this: I find myself with a stray Cheerio stuck in my hair from the hasty dinner I prepared for my toddler who refused the meal I actually cooked. I’m awake with a fussy baby at 2 a.m., wondering how I’ll meet my work deadline on so little sleep. As I navigate my way to the coffee pot, I dodge toys scattered across the floor, while laundry sits in various stages of completion. Matching outfits for the family? We’re just grateful to find pairs of socks for everyone. Fees for extracurricular activities mean putting in a few extra hours at work, and dinner may very well be takeout. On some nights, my spouse and I exchange a quick, sleepy ‘hello’ before heading off to bed.
But you know what? That’s completely okay. Embracing a more moderate approach to parenting may be just what we need. We’re not perfect beings; we’re doing our best to raise good humans.
Perhaps the key to raising decent kids is not about achieving perfection in every aspect, but rather demonstrating that it’s normal to stumble and still give it your all. After all, it’s unlikely that your child will excel at everything. Middle ground parenting might mean accepting a low grade in a subject they find challenging or appreciating your teen’s effort to empty the dishwasher while overlooking the disaster zone that is their room. It’s about finding a balance between perfection and the acceptance that no one can achieve it.
Our relentless pursuit of perfection may inadvertently place undue stress on our children, who are always watching and learning from us. If they observe us striving for an unattainable ideal, how will they learn to embrace their own imperfections? Accepting ourselves, flaws and all, is an essential part of growing into a well-rounded adult.
Let me be clear: I’m not suggesting we ignore shortcomings without efforts to improve, whether as parents or as children. My concern lies in the pressure to be extraordinary at all times, which can prevent us from even acknowledging our flaws. We need to model for our kids that being perfect isn’t the only acceptable state.
Let’s allow ourselves some grace. We can be imperfect yet still be good people. By doing so, we set a powerful example for our children, showing them that it’s fine to be human.
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Summary
Middle ground parenting emphasizes that perfection is unnecessary in raising children. Rather than striving for an unattainable ideal, we should focus on doing our best and demonstrating to our children that it’s okay to be imperfect. By embracing our flaws and showing resilience, we teach our kids to accept themselves as well.