As I picked up my son, Max, from preschool the other day, a little girl from his class approached and asked, “Where’s Max’s daddy?” Without a moment’s hesitation, I smiled and replied, “He doesn’t have a daddy.” The girl paused, clearly trying to grasp this concept, and before I could grab Max’s lunchbox and escape the wave of curious questions, she asked, “Did his daddy DIE?”
“No,” I clarified. “Max just doesn’t have a dad. Some families have both parents, some have only a mom, some only a dad, and others might have grandparents. Max has me and his sister, and that’s his family.”
This revelation seemed to perplex the little girl, who appeared to have a firm understanding of the norms of family structures. She scrunched her face in confusion, but before she could ask more, Max chimed in, “I tried a new food today, Mom! Can we go to Target?” Unfazed by the previous conversation, he was ready to celebrate his culinary adventure. Absolutely, buddy. A trip to Target for a reward for trying diced pears? You bet.
Max understands (at least for now) that our family might look a little different. He doesn’t question the absence of a father figure or the unconventional nature of our family unit. I’ve always gently explained to him that he’s simply without a dad, and he seems perfectly content with that. In fact, he’s thriving—happy, bright, and full of energy. He adores monster trucks and soccer, enjoys playing video games, and exhibits kindness and empathy. At just five years old, he has yet to meet his father.
The reasons behind this situation are part of my past. They don’t consume my thoughts or bring me down; instead, I embrace my role as a single parent. I believe that my choice to raise Max on my own was the best decision for both of us. Sure, juggling a full-time job and parenting can be exhausting and sometimes financially daunting, but I wouldn’t trade this life for anything—not even for fewer gray hairs (though I hear they have great boxed hair color these days!).
With Father’s Day approaching, I find myself preparing for the time of year when we honor my father, my cherished late grandfather (from whom Max gets part of his name), my brother-in-law, and myself. While I am primarily a mom, I also play the role of a father figure in many respects. Though Max might not see me in that light, I strive to provide him with a well-rounded upbringing. I am both the nurturing figure and the adventurous one, whether we’re baking together or attending a monster truck show. I’ve taught him to use his manners and even how to pee standing up. I take him to the doctor and comfort him through his yearly shots, encouraging him to shake off the falls when he rides his bike.
As Father’s Day nears, I always have “the talk” with Max’s teacher, as they often change from year to year. There will be class projects to create gifts for dads, and I make it clear that I will be the one attending the breakfast for dads. I suggest that Max can make his crafts for his grandpa or uncle, or even for me. If I’m lucky, I might receive a handmade gift like a macramé tie to proudly display on our bookshelf next to the painted jewelry box he made for Mother’s Day.
This is a tribute to all the remarkable single moms out there, and to the hardworking moms who often take on both parenting roles. Also, let’s not forget the single dads who deserve recognition on Mother’s Day too! Perhaps it’s time to combine these celebrations into a Parent’s Day and celebrate twice a year to fully enjoy those brunches without losing out.
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In summary, navigating parenthood as a single mom involves embracing the unique dynamics of your family while celebrating the joys and challenges that come with it. With love, support, and a bit of creativity, single parents can thrive and raise happy, well-rounded children.