I find myself perched on my bed, laptop balanced on my lap, mentally preparing for a mini escape. It’s 9 a.m. on a Saturday, and my plan is to scroll through my entire Facebook feed before taking my daughter to her piano lesson at 10 a.m. This goal may seem trivial, but for a 37-year-old working mom, Facebook is my lifeline to social interaction. You might chuckle, but I noticed you liked my post, so I know you’re on there too.
Meanwhile, my husband is off on his daily “chat with the governor,” and my kids are upstairs playing quietly. I’ve already fed, dressed, bathed, and tended to everyone’s needs, and now I’m finally settling in for a much-deserved moment of peace.
However, when my husband emerges from his extended bathroom break 20 minutes later, chaos ensues.
My 3-year-old bursts into the room, demanding, “Mommy, can you do an Elsa side-braid with this purple ponytail holder?”
Me: “Grrrr… yes… (braiding furiously)… now, please leave me alone.”
Husband: “That was awful! How could you tell her to go away? This is family time, and you should be bonding with her instead of scrolling through Facebook.”
While he was busy in the bathroom, I managed to juggle 458 interruptions. This isn’t an exaggeration; I kept count. I supervised four costume changes, dealt with three different hairstyles for each child, mediated seven disputes, turned down two snack requests, reminded one child where to find her water (hint: her cup), and managed to read a single scroll of Facebook posts in those 20 minutes.
If you’re the primary caregiver, you know this is just a typical day in the parental grind. No one intends to become the family’s doormat, but amidst work-related guilt and the desire to avoid a visit from child protective services, we often place our needs at the back of the line without even realizing it.
What if we took a stand? What if one day we collectively shouted, “Enough! I deserve 20 minutes to myself to do whatever I want, even if that means indulging in cute cat videos on YouTube!” What if we stopped racing around, trying to meet every expectation and obligation that society throws at us in the quest to be better, slimmer, smarter versions of ourselves?
In our efforts to advance the women’s liberation movement, we sometimes forget about our own identities. I know I have. Unlike my mother, who confidently sent me outside to play while she indulged in her favorite romance novels, I can’t seem to justify taking even three minutes to check my Twitter notifications.
Even worse, I’ve allowed my husband and children to overlook my interests and passions—those pursuits that exist outside the realm of motherhood.
As my husband stands over me with a disapproving gaze, I slowly shut my laptop. Instead of confronting him, I decide to channel my frustration into a different direction. I challenge my children: When was the last time they did something nice for Mommy? When did they let me sleep in, or use the bathroom without interruptions, or enjoy dinner without whining about the vegetables on their plates? I refuse to feel sorry for their quivering lips and tear-streaked faces.
In a fit of symbolic rebellion, I gather all traces of my maternal identity: the last pairs of maternity pants, the obsolete breast pump, and even the dusty baby monitor that kept me at their beck and call around the clock. I carry them outside, pour lighter fluid over them, and strike a match, chuckling with a sense of triumph.
Or perhaps I don’t. Maybe I simply look at my husband and nod, feeling a wave of shame wash over me, and then head back to continue dressing the kids for the day.
My mother’s generation burned their bras as a statement; my generation seems to burn ourselves out. Maybe they had the right idea all along.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the struggles of a working mom juggling multiple responsibilities while seeking personal time. It explores the societal pressures faced by mothers and the importance of self-identity amidst parenting duties. The narrative illustrates the exhaustion that comes from trying to fulfill every role and the need for mothers to reclaim their time and interests.