Grooming Expectations
Picture a modern urban playground. The fathers are still rocking their old jeans from 2009 and t-shirts that boast bands from the late ’90s; perhaps they last shaved last Tuesday. Meanwhile, the mothers also wear jeans and casual tops, but they’re on their fourth pair since their first pregnancy. Their blouses are designed to float over post-baby bodies, often featuring asymmetrical cuts to draw attention away from their midsections. Makeup is minimal yet present.
The boys resemble their dads, dressed similarly in (mostly tidy) jeans and sneakers. The girls, while still in play attire, showcase a bit more style: think poplin dresses adorned with mint-green bicycle prints and matching bloomers, or soft gray dresses with citron leggings and Mary Janes. Generally, the boys sport short haircuts, quickly done by a silent barber for $15, while the girls enjoy longer styles that come with a $25 price tag at child-friendly salons.
In my household, my two sons and husband can get out the door in just 15 minutes, while I take 30 to 40 minutes. Those asymmetrical blouses don’t iron themselves, and my hair needs some attention to avoid looking like a mess. My husband often uses the time waiting for me to catch up on work or play guitar.
The Financial Impact
This isn’t news to Dr. Alex Monroe, an economist at a local university who examines time use and grooming habits. He shared insights with me about grooming standards for boys and girls. He has a seven-year-old son and agrees that their morning routines are just as quick as my husband and sons. Dr. Monroe analyzed data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ American Time Use Survey and discovered, in a 2011 study coauthored by his colleague Tina Rivers, that women typically spend about 15 more minutes on grooming daily than men—45 minutes compared to men’s 30 minutes. Interestingly, he found that women who groom for an hour and a half daily earn about 3% less than the average female groomer.
When I asked him about the long-term earnings implications, he calculated that this 3% could accumulate to around $1.4 million over a 30-year career. (He used a comfortable starting salary of $50,000, but we are discussing children who will enter the workforce in another twenty years or so.) “$1.4 million could significantly impact retirement,” he noted. Indeed.
My first reaction was disbelief—an hour and a half of grooming daily? What could possibly take that long? But it leads to the larger question: why does more grooming correlate with lower earnings? While some grooming is essential for public-facing jobs, it seems that women who appear overly meticulous might be penalized. Perhaps employers view excessive grooming as a sign of vanity, and I wonder whether the cultural contexts that encourage women to invest this time are the same ones that steer them away from lucrative careers.
Morning Routines
When I think of my female friends working in high-profile positions, they don’t typically appear overly primped—there’s no Joan Cusack in Working Girl here. They maintain a straightforward, yet feminine look and have streamlined their morning routines. For instance, take Linda, a tech industry professional: “I only use eyeshadow, liner, mascara, and sometimes gloss.” This minimalist makeup approach shows care for her appearance without appearing frivolous, highlighting a level of seriousness.
As I continue my email conversation with Linda, she brings up the “prep work” that occurs outside of the morning routine. “The time-consuming prep involves weekly manicures and figuring out age-appropriate outfits—in professions lacking clear dress codes, this is exhausting.” Men typically don’t face the same challenges regarding clothing suitability across their life stages. A man can wear a button-down shirt and cotton-blend pants from age 20 to 60 and still be perfectly acceptable at most work events.
Even minimalist grooming requires a backstory—waxing or shaving on weekends to save time during the week, haircuts and color, manicures, and shopping to keep up with ever-changing standards of “appropriate.” This backstory adds to the cumulative time spent on grooming, potentially pushing the average grooming time from 45 minutes to an hour and a half daily.
Alternative Scenarios
What if we completely opted out of societal grooming standards and spent that time pursuing hobbies like playing guitar? What if I donned a baggy t-shirt and worn-out sneakers, or let my hair grow wild like some of the artsy men do? For a 40-year-old woman, a simple, unkempt outfit wouldn’t fly—we often search for tops that cleverly disguise our figures. One suggestion from a friend humorously proposed designing shirts that resemble a hard shell suitcase, with head and arm holes.
When I asked Kelly, an administrator at a local girls’ school, what would happen if her female colleagues adopted a more casual grooming standard, she mentioned that some have made that choice. However, she noted, “Oh gosh, of course people make negative comments. It’s not PC, but…” Women arriving at work without the expected grooming face professional repercussions, from snarky comments to being overlooked for public representation due to a perceived lack of polish.
This inequity, which essentially robs women of their time, begins in childhood. Even at age four, little girls on the playground spend significantly more time on their appearance than boys. Their mothers often lament the struggles of managing their daughters’ long hair, complete with detanglers, clips, and styling. For black girls, where well-groomed hair is especially emphasized, the time investment may be even greater. A mother in Brooklyn shared that both her boy and girl twins get their hair done every two weeks, but while the boy’s cut is $8 and takes 15 minutes, the girl’s styling costs $25 and takes an hour.
Reclaiming Time
What would it be like to reclaim all that grooming time? Imagine not spending hours searching for stray hairs to pluck or enduring makeup tutorials from less-than-friendly clerks. Think of the skills you could develop—playing guitar, coding, or learning a new language. This could contribute to the wage gap between genders, as well as between average and high-level groomers. In a financial contest between a meticulous groomer and a coder, the coder would likely win. In politics, as highlighted in a 2008 article, men often have an advantage simply because they spend less time on grooming.
Reflecting on children, if I had a daughter, I’d likely buy her cute sundresses and spend time braiding her hair, similar to my mother. I would want her to be admired, hoping that her beauty would ease her navigation through life. Yet, I would feel uneasy knowing I wouldn’t impose the same pressures on my sons.
We tend to value the delight we derive from little girls’ appearances over that of little boys, which influences the experiences of the girls themselves. We encourage all kids to climb, jump, and achieve greatness, but we subtly pressure girls to look charming while doing so. This creates an additional burden of beauty chores that women must carry with them throughout their lives.
In the end, we all have a bit of Joan Cusack in Working Girl within us. I don’t want to waste precious time fretting about whether I should wear open-toed shoes because my toenails are unkempt. I just want to get out the door—or maybe play guitar while I wait for my family.