Why do the holiday season seem to bring out the worst in some people? And why do so many insist on treating their children as if they aren’t even human?
I adore Christmas—it’s a time for creating special moments with my kids, sharing gifts, baking cookies, enjoying festive meals, and soaking up the joyful atmosphere. This year feels more relaxed for us. We just wrapped up my daughter’s school play, which was demanding, especially during the tech week. My semester ended simultaneously, so I’m finally taking a breather, ready to enjoy the holidays without the stress of meeting specific deadlines. Whatever happens will happen, and that’s okay.
Yet, I still feel a sense of sadness.
It’s during this time of year that mainstream parenting practices often go off the rails. I’ve always been open about my disagreements with conventional parenting methods, but my discontent peaks during Christmas.
I struggle to articulate how much I dislike certain practices during this season. For instance, one trend that has recently caught my attention is the idea of “present jail.” A mother proudly shared on social media a cardboard box filled with gifts, claiming that any present left inside by Christmas would only be earned back through good behavior. Her post stated: “Presents are a privilege, not a right; naughty children do not get gifts for misbehaving. #meanmom”
Initially, when I saw this, I thought about writing a response. But how many times can I reiterate, “Please be kind to your kids”? I’ve expressed this sentiment countless times, but I’m compelled to voice it again in hopes that someone will consider a different perspective. Maybe that person is you.
The concept of making children earn their gifts is outdated and harsh, completely missing the essence of gift-giving. Gifts should be unconditional, stemming from the heart, without any strings attached. When you buy a gift and threaten to take it away as a punishment, it no longer represents a gesture of love. You’ve effectively transformed a heartfelt present into a mere transaction.
And why direct this practice solely at children? If you were to buy your partner a new watch, would you withhold it because they had a bad day? That’s not how we treat people we love. It seems absurd to even consider such a tactic with adults, so why do it to kids?
Children are still learning to navigate their emotions and the complexities of the world. They need guidance and support, especially during the holiday season. Can you imagine the confusing message it sends to them when they have to earn their gifts? This approach teaches them that generosity is conditional, which is the opposite of what we want to instill.
Over the past month, I’ve had moments where I’ve lost patience. Remember, your kids are human too and not perfect. They deserve your love and kindness. Whether it’s through quality time, shared experiences, or a small gift they’ve longed for, giving should feel good. Withholding presents only creates negativity and conflict, which is not what the holidays are about.
We are wired for unconditional love and generosity. It’s crucial to show our kids that they matter and that we are their biggest supporters. They should feel secure knowing we stand by them through challenges, reassuring them with our unwavering support.
This holiday season, let’s choose kindness. Treat your children as you would want to be treated. You wouldn’t appreciate having your new device taken away for a moment of frustration, so why do it to your kids?
This year, let’s prioritize compassion. Let’s not turn gifts—things that should symbolize joy and love—into instruments of control. Instead, let’s model generosity and kindness, reinforcing that love should always come without conditions.
For more information on creating a loving family environment, check out this resource. And if you’re interested in home insemination, visit this guide for helpful tips or read about the experiences of others here.
Summary
The holiday season should be a time of joy and kindness, especially for children. Instead of using tactics like “present jail” to punish kids for misbehavior, parents should focus on unconditional love and generosity. Children are still learning to navigate their feelings and the world, and they deserve support and compassion, not conditional gifts. This Christmas, let’s treat our kids with the kindness and respect they deserve.