I don’t resort to spanking my son, nor do I often raise my voice around him. Does that make him a flawless child? Or me an ideal parent? Absolutely not. The cornerstone of my calm household is simple: bribery. While it may raise eyebrows among parenting experts like Dr. Spock, I firmly believe that incorporating bribery into my parenting toolkit has been invaluable. Spanking is labor-intensive and risks the label of an abusive parent; yelling quickly loses its punch, leaving you hoarse and frustrated. On the other hand, bribery gets the job done.
Since the age of six, my son has been captivated by video games, logging hours watching his dad play. Now at 11, he boasts his own Xbox One, an Xbox Live Gold membership, a headset, and a collection of games that would make most kids envious. While I didn’t have a television in my bedroom until I was nearly finished with high school, my son’s gaming setup is the envy of his peers.
Initially, I worried that we were indulging him with too much screen time. However, I eventually realized that video games serve as his form of currency. With this behavior modification tool at my disposal, there’s no need for spanking or shouting. (We may not be wealthy, but every penny spent on his gaming passion feels worth it.)
My approach is straightforward: video games are a privilege that my son should appreciate. Though I’m not a gamer, I support his enthusiasm for Xbox as long as he demonstrates responsibility. Our primary household rule states that enjoyable activities are earned through good behavior. No one is entitled to anything.
Poor behavior leads to the immediate loss of gaming privileges. For instance, if he neglects his homework or skips band practice, he can’t play Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare 2. If he talks back when I ask him to help with chores or behaves disrespectfully in public, I confiscate his headset, preventing him from chatting with his online friends during Minecraft sessions. If he arrives late to school, I ensure he’s unable to log in for his Warframe daily reward.
Conversely, good behavior earns him additional gaming incentives. If he excels on a big test, I’ll let him acquire that new Minecraft skin he’s been eyeing. If he helps take care of his younger cousins without complaint, he earns an extra hour of gaming and a special junk food treat. If a new game is on the horizon, I’ll offer him cash for completing household chores until he has enough to buy it.
Still skeptical about the merits of bribery? Consider potty training: what strategies did you employ to encourage your child to use the toilet? I bet sticker charts, sweets, or the promise of a favorite show were part of your plan.
Even if your child is now older and the bribes are pricier, the principle remains unchanged. Identify what your child loves—be it video games, Legos, or commandeering the biggest screen for their favorite sports team. Once you pinpoint that passion, leverage it to your advantage for as long as you can. It’s the simplest way to navigate the challenges of parenting while preserving your sanity.
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Summary: Bribery can be a practical and effective tool in parenting. By understanding what motivates your child and using it to encourage positive behavior, you can navigate parenting challenges with ease.