If you’re a parent of a child with ADHD, you understand that it’s not just about being forgetful or restless. ADHD is a multifaceted condition that manifests uniquely in each individual. When you mention your child’s ADHD, others often project their misconceptions, which can be both uninformed and damaging.
As a parent of two boys with ADHD, I’ve witnessed firsthand how each diagnosis and treatment plan is distinct. However, a common thread runs through their experiences: an overwhelming sense of shame. Children with ADHD aren’t lazy or indifferent; they genuinely want to succeed. Unfortunately, their brains sometimes hinder them from accomplishing even the simplest tasks, leading to feelings of failure.
Dr. Emily Carter, a specialist in ADHD, notes, “Children with ADHD face a barrage of negative feedback—up to 20,000 more negative messages by age 10 than positive ones. They often feel fundamentally flawed and different from their peers.” I’ve seen my eldest son’s self-esteem take a significant hit due to the guilt associated with his ADHD. He struggles with remembering homework and other tasks that should come easily. We even got him a smartwatch to help with reminders, but the distractions can make him hit snooze instead of focusing on the task at hand. The disappointment he feels when he misses deadlines is heart-wrenching to witness.
He takes medication, which helps manage some symptoms, but it doesn’t define him. The daily challenges he faces are ongoing, and I can’t imagine those hurdles disappearing anytime soon. His self-comparison to siblings and friends without ADHD only deepens his feelings of inadequacy. I try to reassure him that his brain is simply wired differently, but that doesn’t always alleviate his discomfort.
Recently, he started seeing a counselor who is making progress in helping him understand his ADHD. This professional has helped him grasp how different parts of the brain function, fostering a better understanding of his experiences. With this newfound perspective, he’s beginning to realize that his struggles aren’t his fault, and he has the power to improve.
Self-empowerment is critical in our journey. He sometimes deflects responsibility for his actions onto his ADHD or medication, but his counselor is guiding him to take ownership of his behavior and work on developing strategies to remember and follow through on tasks. It’s a challenging process, but he’s making an effort, and that’s all I can ask for.
ADHD is a complex topic, with a wealth of information available—both accurate and misleading. I recently stumbled upon a TikTok account that provides insightful, short clips about ADHD, which have been enlightening for me as I navigate the experiences of my boys. My younger son also faces his own challenges, albeit in different ways, but both boys grapple with guilt and shame that weigh heavily on my heart.
Every day, I strive to support my children emotionally and help them overcome their daily challenges. It’s not easy, but I consistently remind them of their intelligence, strength, and worth. They are not failures simply because they think differently. They are just as deserving of love and praise as their siblings.
During the tumultuous tween and teenage years, self-esteem can be fragile, especially when coupled with ADHD. While medication and counseling are beneficial, it’s crucial to reinforce that their differences are not weaknesses but rather elements that make them unique. ADHD presents challenges, but it does not define them. Together, we will confront these obstacles and emerge with a stronger sense of self-worth as the changes come from within.
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Summary
ADHD is a complex condition that brings significant shame to children, often causing them to feel different and inadequate. Parents play a crucial role in supporting their children emotionally and helping them understand their unique challenges while fostering self-esteem. Through counseling and self-empowerment, children can learn to take ownership of their actions and appreciate their worth.
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