Melanie and I are proud parents of three wonderful kids. After over a decade together, it’s safe to say our parents have vastly different styles when it comes to being grandparents.
Melanie’s parents are the quintessential “drop-off-the-kids” types. They live in Idaho, while we’re based in Oregon, so when they finally get to see our children, they tend to go all out, showering them with treats like candy, Happy Meals, and unlimited screen time. And honestly, I don’t mind too much. They don’t see the kids often, so I understand their desire to indulge—and we let it happen.
Their visits usually involve a week-long stay at our home, which has its perks and pitfalls. On one hand, they help with household chores and child supervision, giving us a chance to enjoy a couple of date nights. My father-in-law is also handy around the house, which is a relief since I’m not exactly the DIY type. However, bedtime routines often go out the window, and let’s be real—it’s a bit awkward having family around for extended periods.
In stark contrast, my mom has a different approach to grandparenting. After my father passed away when I was 19, it’s just been her. Now remarried, my stepdad tends to keep to himself. My mom, who lives in Utah, is a more hands-off grandmother. She’ll send gifts and never forgets a holiday or birthday, and when the kids visit her, they do get some candy. But she’s also respectful of our parenting style, often asking what the rules are before doing anything, which I genuinely appreciate.
If I were to compare the two sets of grandparents, they would be on opposite ends of a spectrum. I can’t even imagine them hanging out, as their philosophies on life and family differ so much.
It’s interesting how not all grandparents fit a mold. Some seem indifferent, while others overstep boundaries with unsolicited advice on parenting and personal choices. We all know at least one grandparent who falls into these categories.
I have to believe that there are some grandparents out there who strike the perfect balance—offering support without overstepping. They provide just the right amount of guidance at just the right moment, while respecting family boundaries. However, I haven’t encountered those ideal grandparents in real life, only on TV.
More often than not, parents, including Melanie and I, find ourselves grumbling about our parents’ grandparenting styles. I’m certain that our parents have their own critiques about how we raise our kids. While none of us feel like we’re failing completely, everyone has an opinion.
As a parent, I know I’m making mistakes along the way. Raising kids today comes with a unique set of challenges that differ from what my parents faced. Each child is a distinct individual, shaped by their own experiences. All parents, including the grandparents in our lives, could use a little grace.
Just like we’re navigating the complexities of parenting, grandparents are figuring out their roles in this new chapter. They love us and our children, and they cared enough to stick around. I understand their temptations to step in at times, and I’m thankful they didn’t just drop us off in the woods!
Of course, there are grandparents who aren’t good for kids—those with substance abuse issues or other serious problems. In such cases, it’s wise to keep distance. But for the grandparents who are trying, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt. Instead of focusing on their shortcomings, let’s appreciate their efforts and reach out to express our gratitude.
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In summary, grandparents vary widely in their approaches and levels of involvement. While some may overindulge or under-participate, it’s crucial for us as parents to extend grace and appreciate the love they bring to our families.