Growing up, my mother enforced a plethora of rules. With three kids in the house, it was essential to establish boundaries to prevent chaos. Now, as a parent myself, I’ve adopted my own set of guidelines to foster harmony in our home.
While our mothers had good intentions, many of their rules feel antiquated and even trivial. In today’s world filled with social media, cyberbullying, and other serious issues, parents have more pressing concerns than whether it’s acceptable to wear white after Labor Day. Parenting has evolved since our mothers’ days, and we must adjust our approach to tackle the modern challenges our children face.
Here are some of the rules I’m choosing to change, and I’m certain you’ll see echoes of your own mother’s rules in my list:
- Don’t Discuss Sex Openly
In my strict upbringing, discussing S-E-X was a taboo. Although I received the awkward birds and bees talk, anything beyond that was off-limits. As a result, I often felt unprepared for the realities of teenage relationships. With my own teens, I’m committed to fostering transparent discussions about intimacy, ensuring they know what to expect both physically and emotionally. No subject is off-limits, and I’m ready to have honest conversations that would make my mom gasp in disbelief. - Girls Shouldn’t Initiate Contact with Boys
My mother held firm to the belief that good girls never called boys. If I wanted to go out, it was up to the boy to make the first move. This outdated notion inadvertently placed my social life in their hands. I want my daughter to feel empowered to initiate plans and approach boys on her terms. If she wants to go to a movie, she should feel free to ask whoever she likes. And yes, I might cringe a little when girls call my son for a date, but change is necessary. - Be Nice to Everyone—Always
Growing up, we were taught to treat everyone kindly, even if they were unkind to us. My mom often insisted that kindness was paramount, even in the face of bullying. While I still value politeness, I want my children to speak up when they or others are wronged. They should stand firm for what they believe is right. We can’t change the world with mere pleasantries, and I’m determined not to raise passive children who back down easily. However, they will still be expected to say thank you, because manners matter. - Wait for Dad to Come Home
My mother was the enforcer of discipline in our house, often threatening us with the phrase, “Wait until your father gets home!” This left me wondering why she felt she needed to pass the baton to my dad, who would then be the ultimate disciplinary figure. In my household, I’ve opted to take responsibility for discipline myself. My partner and I present a united front, and I ensure that the kids understand that discipline is my job.
My mother was right about many things, and her hands-off approach has allowed me to navigate parenting without too much interference. I recognize that no parent has all the answers, and I’m sure my daughter will adopt her own methods when the time comes. Unfortunately for her, I don’t possess my mother’s knack for holding back the “I told you so” moments.
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In summary, as we navigate the complexities of parenting in today’s world, it’s important to evolve beyond the outdated rules of the past. By fostering open communication, encouraging independence, and standing up for what’s right, we can better prepare our children for the challenges they’ll face.