My daughter’s friend, Lily, burst through the front door with a huge smile. She was thrilled to join my daughter for a playdate, especially with the new Barbie Dream House in tow. The excitement radiated from her, and we welcomed her with open arms.
After an hour of imaginative play, the girls sauntered into the kitchen for a snack. As is customary with new guests, I asked Lily what she liked to eat. My daughter, on the other hand, immediately launched into a list of at least 33 different snack options. But Lily was quiet. When I suggested a cheese stick and a juice box, she looked down, her eyes glued to my granite countertops.
Something felt off. Why had the mention of snacks muted her?
“Are you alright? Not hungry?” I inquired.
“I’m fine. I just need to watch what I eat. I’ve gained weight,” she replied, almost in a whisper.
My heart sank, but I kept my composure. I reassured her that we had plenty of healthy options. Then came the gut punch: “My grandma called me fat…but she apologized.”
Those words echoed in my mind like an alarm bell. An 8-year-old internalizing the shame from a grown-up, trying to justify the hurtful remark with an apology that didn’t really matter. Her attempt to brush it off only highlighted the pain behind her eyes. The discomfort she felt around food was palpable. Meanwhile, my daughter munched on cheddar duck crackers, unbothered.
I was torn, unsure of how to react. I didn’t want to overstep my bounds, but I also couldn’t ignore the situation. This wasn’t just any child; this was a young girl who needed support.
Gathering my thoughts, I took a deep breath. “Look at me, Lily. I want to tell you something.” Her hazel eyes met mine. “I don’t understand why someone would say that about you. It’s a hurtful word, especially directed at someone as special as you. You are beautiful just the way you are. You’re full of life, and I think you’re amazing. I commend your choice to eat healthy, but don’t let anyone’s opinion define you. You are fantastic, and that’s what matters.”
Even as I spoke, I felt it wasn’t enough. She left shortly after, and I spent the evening reflecting on her words.
We all make mistakes as parents. We sometimes raise our voices or let slip words we shouldn’t. However, fat-shaming a child is something else entirely. I would rather hear my daughter use profanity than hear her speak negatively about her body. The world already bombards kids with enough harmful messages. They don’t need to hear it from those they love most.
Raising young girls is a challenge. They absorb societal messages quickly and need encouragement to form healthy self-images. I may not have all the answers, but I know one thing: I will never comment on my child’s weight or appearance in a negative way. When my daughter asks me how she looks, my answer will always be: “Perfect, inside and out.”
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In summary, the experience with Lily serves as a reminder of the impact our words can have on children. As parents, we must strive to foster a positive environment where our kids feel valued and loved for who they are, not how they look.