My son, Alex, has always had a tumultuous relationship with his hair. Before he entered his teenage years, he attempted to style it like a popular pop star, but his coarse, curly hair never cooperated, often leading to tears. It seemed his hair had a personality of its own, and the cowlicks at his hairline made achieving what he called a “normal hairstyle” impossible.
Throughout elementary school, Alex would wear a baseball cap whenever possible. Then came a phase where he tied a bandana around his head, trying to keep his unruly locks in check. His hair became the focal point of his struggles with self-image.
When he turned eleven, things took a turn for the worse as he began to panic over noticeable hair loss. After a week of him sobbing at the sink each night, I reached out to his pediatrician who reassured us that it was a common part of growing up. Although it appeared that he hadn’t lost much hair, it was evident that his hair was evolving—it became coarser, darker, and began to grow in a different direction.
That year, at his request, I attempted to straighten his hair every morning. Alas, it was to no avail. Each day, he would head to school feeling disheartened. I invested in various hair products and took him to different salons, hoping he would come to appreciate his natural hair and, ultimately, himself.
Now that Alex is a teenager, he has embraced his unique hair. He proudly declares, “This is my hair, and I love it.” Looking back at the struggles we faced, I’m grateful that we’ve arrived at this point.
Throughout his journey, Alex has endured countless comments, ranging from “Your hair looks like pubic hair” to “That’s quite a tall hairstyle.” It’s astounding how freely some people express their opinions about others’ appearances.
What’s particularly frustrating is how some older individuals feel entitled to comment on his hair or even touch it, as if they are the only ones noticing it. Recently, Alex sported a stylish man bun (which I helped him create) and shared a photo on social media. Unfortunately, negative comments from strangers followed. Remarks like “Buns are for girls” and “Dude, cut your hair” quickly led him to remove the post.
If someone desires feedback on their appearance, they will ask for it. It’s bewildering why certain people feel the need to criticize others for not fitting into their narrow definitions of acceptable looks. It is never acceptable to critique someone else’s body or style. We don’t know the battles they face or the bravery it takes for them to express themselves.
Individual expression is personal and should not be judged. It’s painful to think that people feel they have the right to dictate how others should present themselves, whether it’s about wearing nail polish or sporting a particular hairstyle.
While we can teach our children to disregard others’ opinions, the reality is that hurtful words can leave lasting scars. I’m relieved that Alex is confident enough to dismiss those comments, but I know his feelings were still affected.
To those who feel compelled to comment on others’ appearances: please keep your thoughts to yourself. Your unsolicited opinions only reveal your ignorance and disconnect from reality. You should know better.
For more insights on personal expression and acceptance, check out this related article here. It’s essential to understand that everyone’s journey is unique, including their experiences with hair and self-image. For further information on navigating these issues, resources like this one provide valuable support. If you’re seeking more data on fertility and related topics, the CDC offers an excellent resource.
Summary:
This article explores the importance of bodily autonomy as it relates to individual hair choices, particularly from the perspective of a mother whose son struggled with self-acceptance regarding his hair. It emphasizes the need for respect and understanding of personal expression, and the negative impact of unsolicited opinions on self-esteem.