From an early age, I recognized my attraction to women, which began when I was just 11. At the same time, I was equally captivated by men. Although I have had more relationships with men, this does not lessen my feelings toward women—I am a proud bisexual woman.
My journey included a long-term relationship with a man, during which we welcomed a child together. Nonetheless, my attraction to women remains strong and unwavering. The existence of a child or my choice of relationships with men does not change my bisexual identity.
One of the significant challenges I faced while accepting my bisexuality was the quest for respect and validation. During my teenage years, many friends dismissed my bisexuality as a mere phase, failing to recognize that I had been grappling with my identity long before. When I expressed my attraction to women, but predominantly dated men, others often invalidated my feelings.
Despite my silence on the matter, my feelings persisted. I had posters of pop stars not just for admiration but because I found them attractive, yet I struggled to articulate that due to fear of dismissal. My bedroom became a sanctuary where I could be true to myself.
At 17, I experienced my first relationship with a woman. Though it was brief and primarily physical, it was a pivotal moment that affirmed my feelings. Unfortunately, the reactions from friends were dismissive, which led me to focus solely on relationships with men thereafter.
When I disclosed my bisexuality to men, the response often skewed toward fetishization, leading me to keep my identity private unless I felt comfortable sharing it. However, this changed last October when I publicly came out to my family and friends. The support I received was overwhelmingly positive, and I was surprised by the comments from others in similar situations. Many of my friends, also bisexual but hesitant to reveal their truth, found solace in my openness. Some of them are mothers like me, navigating their identities while in heterosexual relationships.
Now that I am out and single, I remain open to dating women if the opportunity arises. Juggling parenting and the complexities of dating is challenging, but I am keeping my heart open to whoever may come my way. There is one woman I find particularly attractive, although she lives far away, making a relationship unlikely. She knows about my child and my past relationships with men, and I am aware that everyone will react differently to this openness. Just sharing my feelings with her, regardless of the outcome, is a meaningful step in my journey.
I often ponder how to explain a potential same-sex relationship to my four-year-old son. Since his father and I separated when he was an infant, he has not witnessed any romantic relationships from me. While I have taught him about various types of romantic relationships, I worry about how he might perceive my involvement with a woman.
The future remains uncertain regarding my relationships, but I am confident that my bisexuality is unwavering. Even if I were to marry a man and have more children, my attraction to women would not fade. Being bisexual is an intrinsic part of who I am, independent of my current relationship status.
To my fellow bisexual mothers grappling with similar feelings, know that you are not alone. Your identity is valid and does not diminish because of your choices or circumstances.
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In summary, my journey as a bisexual mother is one of authenticity and acceptance. No matter the relationships I pursue, my identity remains intact and valid.