By: Jenna Brooks
Updated: Aug. 23, 2023
Originally Published: Jan. 1, 2013
Every toddler should hone their bedtime stalling skills by the time they hit two. By implementing my tried-and-true methods, you’ll be able to extend your nighttime routine by a solid forty-five minutes. With a bit of practice, you’ll find yourself enjoying midnight snacks, tuning into cringe-worthy sketches on late-night TV, and contemplating the purchase of cozy Slankets through late-night infomercials in no time.
LESSON ONE: MAKE PJS A CHALLENGE
Dart around the house with fervor. If a parent catches you, drop to the floor like a sack of potatoes. Even if they manage to get you out of your clothes, don’t let that stop you—make a run for it while you’re completely in the buff.
LESSON TWO: A NEWFOUND FONDNESS FOR DINNER
This strategy shines when you have a long-standing reputation for being a picky eater. Just as bedtime approaches, express an unexpected craving for food. Your parents will be torn between tucking you in and worrying you might starve.
LESSON THREE: THE ART OF TEETH BRUSHING
Brush your teeth with unparalleled enthusiasm. Request more toothpaste, switch between toothbrushes, and take an excessive amount of time rinsing. If your teeth don’t feel clean enough, start the process all over again. You get the idea.
LESSON FOUR: HIDE YOUR SECURITY ITEMS
Gather as many comfort objects as you can—preferably a blanket, a stuffed toy, and a sippy cup. An hour before bedtime, conceal these items around the house. Your parents will waste precious time searching for them, knowing you won’t sleep without your beloved items.
LESSON FIVE: BOOK SELECTION STRATEGY
When it’s time to choose bedtime stories, stand indecisively in front of your bookshelf. Try to negotiate for more books than allowed. If your parent permits two, confidently ask for three. Choose the longest book possible or even one filled with numerous “look and see” flaps—those take ages to get through!
LESSON SIX: TURN ON THE CHARM
Throughout the day, your parents have been trying to engage you, but now is the moment to shine. Flash your brightest smile, use every word you know, and try to start a conversation. Sing a cute song or say a heartfelt “I love you.” The goal is to make it as difficult as possible for them to leave the room.
LESSON SEVEN: THE FINAL STAND
If your parent picks you up to place you in your crib, your time is running out. You can attempt to escape—arch your back, kick your legs, or protest loudly. Alternatively, you can simply lie down and accept your fate or call out for them as they leave. My advice? Embrace the moment; you’ve done an impressive job, and there’s always tomorrow to improve.
Sleep well, little learners!
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Summary:
This playful guide provides parents with clever techniques inspired by toddlers to extend bedtime routines. From creating challenges during pajama changes to strategically hiding comfort items, these tactics can turn bedtime into a drawn-out affair. With humor and charm, this guide encourages parents to embrace the stalling tactics with a light heart.