When my son, Jake, was just 4 years old, his closest friend hit him and swiped his snack. Yet, only moments later, they were back to playing together as if nothing had happened. I watched my little boy, with his tousled blonde hair, laughing alongside this kid who had just been aggressive, and I found myself questioning how he could so easily move on.
It wasn’t that his friend was particularly aggressive; in fact, it was their first real altercation. But the incident of being hit and having his snack taken would have shaken me to my core. If someone did that to me, I would likely need a lawyer, not to mention a restraining order, to get over it. I can confidently say I wouldn’t be ready to play superheroes ten minutes later.
Yet, that’s the remarkable thing about kids: they possess an incredible capacity for forgiveness. Jake is now 9, and as far as I can tell, he has never held a grudge. His younger sisters, aged 5 and 3, share this same trait. Sure, they’ve all expressed anger when I’ve taken away a tablet or canceled a playdate due to chores or homework, but it’s never long before they’re back to laughing together—like when my youngest, Mia, yanked her sister’s hair and popped her birthday balloon, only to be giggling with her again half an hour later while watching their favorite show.
Maybe this is just a characteristic of my children, but I suspect that many kids under 10 share this ability to forgive effortlessly. I know that as they grow into their teenage years, they’ll inevitably learn to harbor resentments. I just can’t pinpoint the moment I began to hold onto grudges myself.
As a parent, I focus on teaching my children essential life skills—from basic hygiene to reading. However, I often overlook the valuable lessons I can learn from them. Their swift ability to forgive not just me, but their friends and anyone else, is something I find quite enlightening.
At 33, I’ve witnessed people cling to grudges for years, sometimes resulting in siblings severing ties over trivial matters. While I acknowledge that some actions are indeed unforgivable, most issues really aren’t. Children seem to have an innate understanding of this—they don’t let grievances fester, as it would interfere with their playtime. Reflecting on how many joyful moments are lost due to an inability to forgive, I wish I could embody more of that childlike spirit.
This doesn’t mean I would welcome anyone to my home to hit me and take my snack without consequences—that’s excessive. But the phrase “learning to forgive” is somewhat misleading; in reality, forgiveness is an instinct we are born with. Somewhere along the way, we learn to hold grudges instead, and perhaps it’s time we unlearn that habit.
The day Jake got hit could have been a disaster, but instead, those kids enjoyed hours of fun together, laughing and playing. They continued to meet every week until we moved, all because Jake chose to let go of that moment. This makes me wonder what other rewarding experiences I might be missing out on because I’m unwilling to move past something trivial.
This thought is particularly poignant when I consider my relationship with my older brother. We haven’t spoken in nearly a year. As kids, we were inseparable, always managing to forgive each other after our little spats. However, as adults, we’ve let differences in politics and religion create distance between us, leading to unresolved tension. I reflect on how many moments we’ve lost due to this rift and wonder how we can restore our relationship.
To reconnect, we need to embrace forgiveness, just like my children do, and be willing to let things go. I plan to reach out to him again, hoping he picks up this time. If he does, I’ll make an effort to apologize. If you find yourself in a similar situation with someone you wish to reconnect with, take a cue from your kids and consider how they forgive so easily—there’s much we can learn from their approach.
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In summary, children’s remarkable ability to forgive can serve as a powerful lesson for adults. By observing and emulating their instinct for forgiveness, we can enrich our relationships and cultivate more joy in our lives.