Hello, my dear ones! It’s your loving mother here—the ultimate finder of lost items, the champion of matching socks, and the one who tirelessly cleans up after you as you traipse through our home, leaving behind evidence of your adventures that you never seem to notice.
Just last night, I witnessed you munch on a peanut M&M that had been lounging on the floor of our car since Halloween. Yet, my lovingly prepared dinner, which is only semi-homemade, is beneath your standards, prompting you to smother it in ranch dressing while I sit right next to you.
So tonight, as I sip my wine, I’m feeling quite convinced that you can whip up your own dinner. Go ahead and make a PB&J. Get wild with the jam if you wish, but remember to clean up after yourself, okay? The rule in this house is simple: if you make the mess, you clean it up. It’s astonishing how quickly you forget this fundamental principle, especially since you can recall every detail about the Lego set I couldn’t find for you five years ago.
You see, I do all of this because I genuinely love you, and I want to see you happy. So, do me a favor and make me happy by locating your own shoes.
If I’m in the bathroom with the door closed, or having a conversation with your father, that’s not the time to ask if we have any chips. You could easily check the pantry yourself to find out. This would save both of us some time and frustration.
It seems you think my hobbies include cleaning up your messes—like the pee you leave behind in the bathroom. If you’re going to make a mess, clean it up! It’s not a work of art; it’s a hygiene issue that needs attention from the person responsible.
Sometimes, I feel like you must enjoy hearing me raise my voice. You wait until I’ve repeated myself multiple times before you finally take action. It’s as if I’m stuck on a loop! You’ve even rolled your eyes at me during these moments, saying, “Calm down, Mom.” Well, I wouldn’t need to if you could just do the simple things, like putting on pants so we can get to school on time.
And please don’t ask me where your sweatshirt is. I have no idea, as I’m busy figuring out how to get you from basketball practice to the dentist in record time. If it’s not on you, it should either be in your drawer or the hamper. I bet it’s balled up under your bed or hiding in the backseat of the car.
Also, if the trash can is overflowing, how about taking it out instead of grimacing about how it makes you feel sick?
So please, pull your weight, locate your socks, and stop staring blankly into the fridge asking if we have blueberry yogurt when it’s practically right in front of you. You’re more than capable of handling things on your own without my assistance.
Before you ask me something, consider if it’s something you can figure out for yourself. You may just be surprised at your own abilities.
Thank you for listening,
Your loving mother
If you’re interested in boosting fertility, check out this post on fertility supplements at Make a Mom. For more information on the topic of home insemination, Intracervical Insemination is an authority worth exploring. And if you’re looking for resources about pregnancy and home insemination, WebMD offers excellent guidance.