In our advice column, we tackle the questions you have about parenting and more. This week, we explore how to respond when another child hits yours. Should you teach them to tell an adult, or is it acceptable for them to defend themselves?
Dear Home Insemination Kit Team,
Just two weeks into kindergarten, my son has told me that another child has been hitting him on the head while waiting for the bus. From what I gather, this was completely unprovoked, and a teacher did intervene eventually. My question is whether it’s appropriate to teach my son that if someone strikes him, he can hit back. I believe there’s nothing wrong with that. I want him to know that while initiating violence is not acceptable, if someone hits him first, he can respond in kind. My partner disagrees and feels we should teach him to report it to an adult. What should we do?
I know my opinion might not be the most popular, but I think you’re onto something here. While it’s never right to hit someone without cause, if a child is physically aggressive towards your son, I believe responding could be a more effective solution.
Reflecting on my own experiences, I was often bullied as a child because I was seen as an “easy target.” Unfortunately, I didn’t hit back; I either reported the bullies or did nothing, which only encouraged them further. When you tell an adult, you risk being labeled a “narc,” which can lead to more bullying. And when you adopt a passive stance, it often signals to bullies that you’re weak or scared. While it’s natural to feel timid about confrontation, lacking the confidence to stand up for oneself can lead to prolonged suffering.
Your son doesn’t need to become a martial arts expert, but teaching him to assertively respond with a firm shove and a strong “Don’t EVER touch me again!” could be quite effective. This isn’t easy and won’t come naturally, so it’s essential to practice with him. Engage in role-playing where he can rehearse this response. After all, it’s his body, and he deserves to protect it.
What I’m advocating is what I wish someone had taught me—building confidence to stand up for oneself. If he faces consequences for defending himself, you could refer his teachers to the advice I’m providing here. I may have been a timid child, but I’ve grown into someone unafraid to voice my opinions. It truly does get better. Best of luck, and give your son a hug from me.
If you’re looking for more insights, check out this related blog post that discusses parenting challenges. Additionally, you may find valuable information at Intracervical Insemination as well as excellent resources for pregnancy at ASRM.
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Summary:
In response to a parent’s concern about their child being hit at school, the advice suggests that it may be beneficial to teach the child to defend themselves rather than simply reporting the incident. Building confidence and practicing assertive responses can empower children to stand up against bullying effectively.