I landed my first job in the summer before I turned nine, picking berries at a nearby farm. Each morning, I’d wake with the sun, bike a mile down the road, and spend the day harvesting. I earned 25 cents for each pint of raspberries, raking in over $200 that summer, which allowed me to buy a ton of new school clothes.
My boss and parents praised me for bringing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to work, devouring it in under two minutes, and immediately getting back to work. I thrived on that praise; it made me feel strong, valued, and almost superhuman, as if I were told I had special powers.
While other kids sought shelter from pouring rain or extreme heat, I persevered, earning a three-dollar bonus every time I did. In hindsight, this experience shaped my work ethic. The adults in my life viewed me as a hard worker, so I felt compelled to live up to that image. Throughout elementary school, I picked berries in the summer and babysat whenever I could.
In high school, I always worked after school while my friends enjoyed practices or social activities. My routine was simple: school during the day, then bagging groceries six days a week, followed by homework. While others took weekends off, I was loading grocery carts from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. The recognition from others for my dedication didn’t matter; I was exhausted but still pushed through.
After having my appendix removed in 11th grade, I returned to work within a week because it felt like the right thing to do, as if it were expected. No one directly told me this, but I had woven my identity around being a hard worker, even when ill or overwhelmed with school assignments. I worried about who I would be if I let this dedication slip.
Upon graduating college and starting my first real job in the early ‘90s, I quickly realized my upbringing had prepared me well. In retail, I became the youngest store manager in my district, largely due to my willingness to work long hours. I never called in sick, and I consistently went above and beyond, even if it wasn’t financially rewarded — because that’s how I earned recognition.
One holiday season, I kept my crew at the store until 1:00 a.m. cleaning up after a chaotic day, knowing I had to be back by 7:00 a.m. for extended holiday hours. As my team began to fade around 10:30 p.m., I grew frustrated. We would do floor sets, rearranging the store after closing, with me wolfing down a slice of pizza in under ten minutes to set an example.
At 23, I was experiencing debilitating stomach pains and morning diarrhea, relying on Mountain Dew to stay awake. I felt older than ever, but the applause for hard work kept coming. Anyone who mirrored my dedication received recognition, so I continued this unsustainable lifestyle.
I encountered similar expectations in my job at a recruiting firm, where we were expected to work over 40 hours weekly, with just one week off a year. We were pressured to socialize with coworkers outside of work, and while the boss claimed participation was optional, it was clear it was not. The unspoken message was that you should prioritize work above all else, or you were deemed lazy or uncommitted.
When 9/11 occurred, I felt the weight of the world and left the office early that day. I was one of the few who did, and my boss commented on it afterward. Then, during a business trip, when I mentioned wanting to have children and take time off to care for them, I was let go. This company offered no paid maternity leave; they only allowed six weeks off (unpaid) because it was mandated by law. Nobody questioned this.
After that experience, when I aspired to start my own business, I faced skepticism. People questioned my financial plans, and my father reminded me about the importance of a steady paycheck and health benefits. He considered anything else irresponsible.
Gen-Xers grew up in a world where taking time off for illness or mental health was frowned upon. If you showed up to work after being sick, you were celebrated. If you returned early from surgery, you would receive applause. Asking for additional vacation time made you seem less ambitious; accolades were reserved for those who didn’t use their sick days. You were a hero for skipping your vacation to stay late at the office.
When I re-entered the workforce after staying home with my children, I still held onto that mentality. I worked daily, canceled family dinners for work commitments, and failed to take a real vacation for over three years. Eventually, I reached a breaking point. My work quality declined, I was perpetually exhausted, and I felt guilt if I didn’t push myself hard every day.
I realized this approach was unsustainable for producing quality work, and it took time to unlearn my ingrained beliefs. I woke up to the idea that recharging and enjoying time off is vital for a balanced life.
Scheduling my first vacation felt nerve-wracking. As a freelancer, I don’t get paid for time off, but it wasn’t about the money. I felt guilty for taking a week off during a major holiday to enjoy time with my children. How twisted is that?
I want my children to understand that hard work doesn’t mean sacrificing your well-being. Life is about more than just working hard; it’s crucial to recognize that showing up to work sick or neglecting well-deserved time off has no real value.
For future generations, we must eradicate the belief that being mentally and physically drained equates to success. We need to normalize taking breaks and prioritize a healthy lifestyle over just financial gain or hours worked. I wish I had realized this sooner, but now I can set a better example for my kids, ensuring they don’t fall into the same workaholic trap that kept me grinding for far too long.
For more insights on parenting and well-being, check out this related blog post here. You can also explore health considerations that are essential for a balanced approach to life. For a thorough resource on pregnancy and home insemination, visit this excellent guide.
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In summary, my upbringing instilled a strong work ethic that often overshadowed my well-being. The pressure to overwork and ignore personal health was pervasive, leading me to a breaking point. It’s essential for future generations to understand that hard work should not come at the cost of mental and physical health.