Updated: Feb. 1, 2021
Originally Published: April 19, 2019
When I was just nine, a relative dubbed me “Miss Piggy.” At eleven, another family member warned me against taking a donut from the kitchen, claiming that while others in the house were slim enough to indulge, I couldn’t afford the calories. By the time I reached nineteen, while enjoying a snack, I was interrupted by another family member suggesting I eat fewer chips and hit the gym more often. Each comment caught me off guard and left me feeling a deep sense of shame. It became clear to me that my body was open to scrutiny and judgment from those closest to me.
As a parent, I chose to avoid discussing weight or body size in front of my children. Even on days when my clothes felt snug, I wanted to ensure they didn’t associate their self-worth with appearance. It’s a challenging lesson, as we are often defined by our bodies, which are the first things people notice. However, by emphasizing body critique in front of our kids, we risk exposing them to potential body dysmorphia and eating disorders.
In the United States alone, over 30 million individuals are affected by eating disorders, which can impact anyone, regardless of age, race, gender, or social status. Although only about 8% of girls and 4% of boys in the U.S. suffer from these disorders, the pervasive notion that our bodies are subject to judgment and should conform to societal standards is damaging.
Adolescent girls, in particular, are learning what defines their value in the eyes of others, according to mental health expert Lisa Rivers. “They are figuring out what makes them significant to those around them,” she notes. This need to fit in can lead young girls to mold themselves according to external expectations. They become acutely aware that their appearance is constantly evaluated.
To help nurture your child’s self-confidence, consider these three strategies:
- Model Positive Behavior
From a young age, children absorb their parents’ attitudes about body image. When parents make negative remarks about their own bodies or food choices—expressing thoughts like “I ate too much, so I need to work out,” or skipping meals to look good for an event—they inadvertently teach their children to develop unhealthy relationships with food. Even compliments about someone else’s weight loss can be harmful. - Encourage Positive Self-Talk
Utilizing positive self-talk can create a nurturing environment for your child. Dr. Harris suggests making uplifting statements around your children, such as, “I appreciate my legs for helping me move,” or “I love how my arms can lift things.” Such expressions help children recognize their bodies’ capabilities rather than focusing solely on appearance. - Address Negative Comments
If someone around you speaks negatively about food or weight, it’s important to express your discomfort. Dr. Harris advocates for addressing these comments gently but firmly. “You could say something like, ‘That sounds like a tough way to live, calculating what you can eat or how much you must exercise.’”
Changing our perspective on body image takes effort. Recently, I found myself wishing to look like a slender trainer at the gym. Then, I realized that longing for a different body type was as futile as a German Shepherd yearning to be a Chihuahua. We are all unique, and trying to conform to unrealistic standards can be harmful.
By modeling positive body attitudes and reinforcing self-worth, I hope to teach my children not to succumb to the pressures I faced. For more insights on building self-esteem and understanding body image, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, fostering a healthy body image in children requires active participation from parents. By modeling positive self-talk, encouraging resilience, and addressing negativity, we can help our children develop a strong sense of self-worth that isn’t solely based on appearance.