Parenting
Are You Too Eager to Be Considered Cool?
by Jessica Lane
Updated: Sep. 11, 2015
Originally Published: Dec. 17, 2014
As someone who thrives on enthusiasm, I often wonder if my excitement makes me seem uncool. As a child, I was full of spirit but also riddled with fears that only dissipated once the source of my anxiety had passed. It wasn’t until much later that I could truly embrace joy. My enthusiasm was there, but feeling it fully took years of growth.
In my late twenties and early thirties, I began to articulate my emotions and developed coping strategies for previously overwhelming situations. As I learned to manage my fears, I found myself excited about things I had once avoided. When I finally expressed my enthusiasm, it came out with an earnestness typically associated with youth. However, that unrestrained excitement as an adult—whether it was about an adventure or meeting an inspiring person—was often labeled as “weird.” But honestly, I don’t see myself as weird.
My interest in life is genuine; I find joy in engaging with great ideas and intellectual discussions. The more I learn from those who are wiser than I am, the more optimistic I become about life. I don’t pretend to be disinterested or overly eager; rather, I simply find joy in connecting with others. After years of feeling as though so much was out of reach, I am now driven by possibilities, however unlikely.
The opposite of enthusiasm is aloofness, a trait I find deeply unappealing. Aloofness is often equated with being “cool,” but it creates distance and can leave others feeling bad about themselves. A few years back, I had a conversation with my friend Kelly, who is significantly younger than I am. She remarked that while she considered me “cool for my age,” she also thought I was “sort of a dork.” When I asked her why, she said, “You show your enthusiasm.” That realization was disheartening, not just for me but for the concept of enthusiasm itself.
I am keenly aware of how aloofness makes people feel. It’s something I actively try to counteract, as I want to make others feel accepted and at ease. Ironically, this very effort to connect can make me feel uncool, especially when some people are uncomfortable with my open enthusiasm.
A good friend of mine, Mark, shares a similar unfiltered enthusiasm. He openly tells everyone that he loves them, which, while endearing, can leave others at a loss for words. But Mark isn’t seeking validation; he’s simply expressing a genuine feeling that overflows from within. That’s the essence of enthusiasm—an uncontrollable urge to share positivity.
Part of my enthusiasm stems from a desire to alleviate the fears that once overshadowed my own ability to feel joy as a child. My friendliness often acts as a shield for those who may share my past fears. Yet, in trying to protect others from feeling out of place, I ironically highlight my own differences. People might view me as odd or geeky because I embrace experiences and individuals more readily than I dismiss them. I’ve attempted to tone down my energy, but it’s a challenging task.
What surprises me the most is not how others perceive my enthusiasm, but the fact that after years of grappling with fear and unhappiness, I’ve blossomed into a genuinely enthusiastic person.
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In summary, embracing enthusiasm can feel isolating in a world that often values cool detachment, but it’s ultimately a source of joy and connection. Rather than suppressing your authentic self, celebrate your enthusiasm and the positive impact it can bring to both yourself and others.