Parenting
Are You in the Post-Postpartum Phase? It’s Time to Embrace It
by Jamie Taylor
Updated: Oct. 15, 2023
Originally Published: Oct. 15, 2023
Recently, as I slipped into a comfy maternity shirt, I thought to myself, “It’s perfectly fine; you’re still postpartum.” Then it hit me: I’m actually two years past that stage. I weaned my youngest a year ago, and it seems like life should have reverted to some sense of normalcy by now. I’m not just postpartum; I’m post-postpartum.
Many moms, judging by my social media feeds, are grappling with this post-postpartum reality. It feels like “Things Should Have Returned to Normal By Now” could be our unofficial anthem—a heartfelt ballad reminiscent of something sung by Norah Jones.
Let’s talk, fellow post-postpartum moms: Do you often wake up around 5 or 6 a.m. feeling your heart racing as you mentally jump to your to-do list? Do you think right after waking, “Why didn’t I make the kids’ lunches last night?” Do you find yourself wrestling with your toddler as you try to juggle your work bag, all while trying to recall if you even had breakfast?
These are the defining questions of the post-postpartum mother. What truly discourages me about this stage, both for myself and on behalf of my fellow moms, is the wave of self-criticism that often accompanies it. When you’re running late for daycare, when you have to make an unexpected stop for a toothbrush because you forgot to brush your own teeth, or when dinner ends up being a can of soup and toast, you might find yourself wondering, “Shouldn’t I have this figured out by now?”
The answer is no. You shouldn’t feel pressured to have it all together at this point. The post-postpartum phase is exceptionally challenging. Many of us haven’t managed to shed the last of the baby weight, streamline our morning routine into clockwork precision, or consistently prepare homemade meals.
This unique stage, which I define as beginning when your youngest is about six months old, comes with its own set of hurdles, just like pregnancy and the early newborn days. Unfortunately, these challenges often go unrecognized, unlike the more commonly acknowledged struggles of morning sickness or breastfeeding.
One of the toughest realities of the post-postpartum period (arguably the most difficult) is the relentless exhaustion that accompanies caring for young children who may not be sleeping through the night. You might hesitate to voice your fatigue, as people often don’t understand why a 2- or 3-year-old still wakes up at night. But the truth is, you’re utterly drained. Adding another child into the mix can lead to a level of tiredness that only years of sleepless nights can cultivate.
And even after you’ve passed that stage, new challenges arise. For instance, my friend Lisa’s mother-in-law has been dropping hints about wanting to pass on the Thanksgiving hosting duties this year, but Lisa is politely declining. “I just can’t manage it,” she explained. “With a 2½-year-old and a 4-year-old, I have zero time to plan, cook, or clean up. And I feel embarrassed about saying no. Shouldn’t I be ready for this by now?”
Nope, because she’s post-postpartum. It’s a tough time, and it’s completely acceptable to decline hosting large gatherings, opt for “wash-and-wear” hairstyles, or arrive at work a bit late each day.
When you’re pregnant or adjusting to life with a newborn, society tends to grant you some grace. You can skip social events, complain about sleepless nights, or choose to lighten your workload or not work at all. However, once you hit a certain point, people start to expect you to “be up to it,” whatever “it” might be. Yet sometimes, we’re just not there yet.
So when does the post-postpartum stage end? Honestly, I’m not sure—I’m still navigating it. Perhaps it concludes when all your kids are in school? Still, based on what I’ve observed from friends with older children, I suspect this phase might seamlessly transition into the empty nest stage.
So take a deep breath and give yourself a break. After all, you’re in a delicate place right now. And remember—someday, we won’t be in the post-postpartum phase anymore. We’ll eventually only have ourselves to get ready in the morning. I’m not sure if I’m looking forward to that, either. I cherish my little ones, even if they find amusement in tripping me as I rush to work. I embrace my post-postpartum journey and hope it lasts as long as possible.