When I first dreamed of motherhood, I never anticipated the overwhelming presence of germs that would accompany raising children. I didn’t envision my little ones experiencing sudden bouts of sickness in public places or my partner and I frantically managing two kids, both ill, in opposite bathrooms at 2 a.m.
As a child, I had my quirks, but my aversion to germs only intensified after becoming a parent. Suddenly, I found myself living with tiny germ factories that seemed to spread illness at every turn. I often pondered when my kids would master simple hygiene habits like blowing their noses or using the toilet for vomiting. Spoiler alert: we’re still waiting.
It felt as if I transformed into a germaphobe overnight, counting the days until stomach bugs finally left our home (spoiler: they don’t). I found myself dreading the school notes about lice outbreaks, which, of course, arrived. If you think being a mom and a germaphobe are mutually exclusive, let me assure you, they’re not—I’m living proof. You’re not alone if you find yourself wiping down shopping carts or handing out hand sanitizer like it’s candy at the playground.
You might be a germaphobe parent if:
- Shopping Cart Roulette: Choosing a cart feels like a game of Russian roulette. You scan for the one that last held a child who has mastered the art of sneezing without covering their mouth.
- Hand Sanitizer Hoarder: Your stash of hand sanitizer rivals that of a small business, with multiple containers in your bag, car, and home.
- No Sharing Food: You rarely eat off your children’s plates or let them share drinks with you. Water bottles are strictly personal—no sharing allowed.
- Restroom Rituals: Entering a public restroom makes you wish for a hazmat suit. Instead, you instruct your toddler to keep their hands in their pockets and hold their breath while you try to get in and out as quickly as possible.
- Museum Anxiety: Visiting a children’s museum feels like stepping into a germ-laden battlefield. You brace yourself for the inevitable E. coli your kids might pick up from the shared toys.
- Post-School Hygiene: Your kids instinctively know to wash their hands the moment they walk through the door. Sorry, hugs and cuddles come after the scrubbing!
- Sick Child Protocol: When one of your kids is sick, they get quarantined. You sympathize from a safe distance, thinking about how you need a shower after dealing with the aftermath.
- Avoiding Fast-Food Play Areas: The very mention of a “ball pit” sends shivers down your spine.
- Public Surfaces as Germ Hotspots: Doorknobs, railings, and other surfaces feel like contaminated zones. Your kids have learned to avoid eating off public tables and mastered flushing toilets with their feet.
- Vigilant After School: When your child mentions a classmate who vomited, you immediately start performing a mental ritual to keep them safe from catching anything contagious.
Sure, it’s exhausting, but over time, it does get a little easier. Yes, I’m aware that hand sanitizer isn’t the ultimate solution, and I know you might roll your eyes when I offer some to your kids. But if we’re out together and you can’t sit on that grimy picnic table because of its condition? Don’t fret, I’ve got you covered with a sanitizing wipe from my bag.
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In summary, being a germaphobe parent can feel isolating, but many others share your concerns about hygiene. Embrace your protective instincts, and know that you’re not alone in your quest to keep your little ones safe from germs.