I always believed my parents would be around forever. Don’t we all? They had us at a young age and anticipated being youthful grandparents, just like their own parents. By the time they were 26, they had welcomed four children, a stark contrast to the experience of their offspring. I didn’t even meet my partner until I was 32, and after enjoying some carefree years together, we delayed having our first child until I was 37, followed by our second at 41.
We’re not alone in this trend. Time Magazine has dubbed it the “grandparent deficit,” indicating a generation of children who lack young, active grandparents to assist with childcare or engage in play, as many of us experienced. I have vivid memories of my great-grandmother playing tennis! My grandmother, who just turned 95, was only 47 when I arrived, and I was her fourth grandchild. We share a close bond, and I feel comfortable discussing anything with her. Her choices have led to a large family, with enough descendants to form a small army. She serves as a role model for me, but I doubt I’ll be able to create such a family dynamic since my children will not have the same opportunities for interaction with grandparents.
This “grandparent deficit” is indeed disheartening. My grandparents were incredibly devoted to us, often competing to give us the best experiences. Many of my fondest memories with my maternal grandmother, who passed away while I was in college, happened in her living room where she invented games for us, or even in the bathroom where she spun tales of the Wickawitch family to keep us entertained. Such intimacy is hard to cultivate across a 60-year age gap.
That same grandmother and I also shared a friendship. As a teenager, I would take the subway to watch movies with her, confiding in her things I wouldn’t tell anyone else. My friends even wanted to join in on our outings. Now, with my kids aged 11 and 7, my dad is 72—though he’s the liveliest 72-year-old I know. I lost my mom to cancer a few years back; while my children spent time with her, they won’t experience the teenage friendship I had with my grandmother, and that breaks my heart.
Yet, I believe there’s little we can do to change this trend. Nowadays, people don’t rush into marriage to escape their parents’ homes. My parents wed at 20 and split up 11 years later because their early desires clashed with the realities of adulthood. Suggesting that people have children earlier isn’t a practical solution. Instead, we must focus on nurturing our children’s relationships with their grandparents. When school days off arise, my dad is usually my first call, and my in-laws are welcome whenever they can visit. Now that my son has his own cellphone, he texts his grandparents, fostering a direct relationship that doesn’t rely solely on us.
My dad remains more active than many, giving hope for meaningful connections to flourish. My grandmother also knows my children well, a remarkable feat considering she has 16 great-grandchildren! They’re setting excellent examples. We can only hope our children will have their own kids earlier than we did, allowing us to enjoy those family bonds.
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In summary, the trend of delayed parenthood is leading to a generational gap in grandparent involvement, known as the “grandparent deficit.” While we can’t change the past, we can actively foster relationships between our children and their grandparents, ensuring those valuable connections endure.