By: Julia Thompson
Date: Feb. 11, 2018
There are moments—sometimes daily—when a story can leave you utterly speechless. Whether it’s a heart-wrenching tale or one that resonates too closely with your own experiences, it can leave you feeling overwhelmed. Such was the case for me with the tragic story of Alex Johnson, a teenager from Newport Beach, California, who recently took his own life.
As described by a writer on ParentingThoughts.com, “Alex was a seemingly carefree sixteen-year-old, enjoying baseball and goofing around with friends.” But beneath that facade lay a deeper struggle that ultimately led him to conclude that life had become unbearable. Was it due to the loss of a parent? Was he battling addiction or facing severe bullying? No, the heartbreaking truth is that Alex succumbed to the relentless pressures of academia. It’s both simple and profoundly tragic.
A few years ago, I might have found this hard to believe, especially since I was a child who placed immense pressure on herself to excel in school, even resorting to prayer before tests that I had prepared for extensively. The notion still seemed far-fetched until I realized I had a son who was beginning to mirror this pressure, and he is just nine years old.
Initially, we were informed that my son was lagging behind in kindergarten. My (now ex) husband and I thought it was a joke; how could a child be behind at that stage? According to our well-meaning teacher, however, we lived in a district known for its academic rigor, where parents push their children well beyond the basics before kindergarten. “Isn’t sharing and not eating Play-Doh a sign of success?” I thought. Apparently, the standards had shifted dramatically.
When I mentioned this to our preschool teacher, she privately confided, “Please don’t share this, but we were essentially using a glorified coloring book when your son was in my class. I wanted to alert someone but feared losing my job.”
“What is happening in our education system?” I thought. “Has the world gone mad?”
I assumed he would quickly catch up; instead, he became aware of his struggles, leading to feelings of self-loathing typically reserved for the most dire situations. He would often be sick to his stomach before school, cry, and express sentiments like, “I’m so dumb.” I, too, felt overwhelmed by the complexity of the homework driven by common core standards.
The testing situation was equally frustrating. Despite numerous meetings regarding his academic challenges, testing was never provided. By the time he reached second grade, my frustration peaked. During one meeting, his teacher bluntly told us, “You blew it. You have to ask for testing; they won’t just offer it since it costs money.” If she were younger, I might have lost my temper.
In third grade, we faced standardized testing. I was surprised when the principal suggested it might be too stressful for my son to participate. “How considerate of him,” I thought naively. Then another parent informed me that they deliberately exclude students who might lower test scores to protect their funding. At that moment, I regretted my earlier ignorance.
Determined, I approached the principal that year and requested my son be held back to give him a chance to catch up. To my surprise, he agreed and even initiated the process while I was there. Just as I was leaving, he mentioned, “The only downside is your ex-husband will need to consent.”
My ex, with his good intentions, opposed the idea, fearing the embarrassment it could cause our son amidst our divorce. It felt unjust that the one who truly understood his potential couldn’t make the final decision.
Finally, an Individualized Education Program (IEP) was established for my wonderful son, who, despite his brilliance, struggled with the common core methods. It was heartbreaking to hear him lament about his perceived inadequacies.
The silver lining? He mistakenly believes the IEP was my initiative, which, in a way, is true. “Hey, Mom,” he said, “I get to take my tests in a different room now and can ask questions. Did you sign me up for this?” “Yes, I did, sweetheart,” I replied, tears welling in my eyes.
While things appear to be improving, I remain concerned for his sensitive nature and overwhelming desire to excel. Observing the excessive homework he faces in fourth grade, I worry that he, too, could become overwhelmed like Alex. The thought of that possibility is terrifying, and it makes me want to shield him from all external pressures.
For those navigating similar challenges, resources like The Center for Reproductive Health offer valuable support, and you can also explore ways to enhance fertility with insights from this other blog post. For a bit of fun, check out these DIY donuts for a sweet distraction.
In summary, academic pressures can have devastating effects on children, leading to anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. It’s crucial for parents to advocate for their children and prioritize their well-being over societal expectations.