Dear Mark,
I want to start by expressing how much I appreciate you as an incredible father and partner. Your commitment to sharing parenting responsibilities has not gone unnoticed—you’ve mastered laundry duty for years now! Your kindness and respect towards me are truly heartwarming, and I admire how you strive to be a role model for our sons, demonstrating the qualities of a great man.
However, there’s something that has been bothering me, and it’s time I address it.
Please, I urge you to stop using the term “girl” as an insult.
I understand that this might stem from your coaching background, where toughness and resilience are valued. You want our boys to embody these traits. But when they shed tears over minor issues, you often tell them to “stop acting like a girl.” When they express disappointment, you use the same phrase. Even when they have minor injuries or feel emotional, the words “quit being a girl” slip out.
What you may not realize is that this implies girls are weak, overly emotional, or incapable of handling adversity. This notion couldn’t be further from the truth.
As your wife, I can assure you that I am a woman who has given birth to our four wonderful boys. I’ve faced challenges with strength and resilience, including three C-section surgeries, and I’ve cared for our newborns the very next day. I don’t cry easily, and the few times your sons have seen me tear up were never over trivial matters.
It’s crucial for our boys to understand that experiencing hurt, disappointment, or heartbreak is a part of life. I want them to feel comfortable coming to us in those moments, not fearing that they will be belittled with phrases like “stop acting like a girl.” Instead, I hope they know they can lean on us for support when they need it the most.
Let’s teach them that true strength can be found in vulnerability, and that emotions are not solely a “girl” trait but rather a human experience. We should show them that caring and sensitivity are signs of strength, not weaknesses.
Let’s work together to foster an environment where they can embrace their feelings without fear of judgment. After all, what you may call “being a girl” often means they are simply showing they care.
With love, your resilient, empathetic, and occasionally “girly” wife.
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In summary, let’s encourage our boys to embrace their emotions and understand that strength comes in many forms, not just the stereotype of toughness.