Like many women, I’ve struggled with my relationship with food and my body for much of my life. I embarked on my first diet at the age of 12, jumping on the low-fat trend of the early ‘90s. I consumed entire boxes of low-fat cookies and oversized bowls of sugary cereal, all while doing hundreds of sit-ups daily.
During my first year in college, I took a hard look at myself in the mirror and decided I despised what I saw. I craved the frail, delicate look that society often glorifies. I tossed out everything in my dorm fridge and survived on just a single grape soda each day, hitting the gym for two grueling hours without fail.
Before long, my clothes were literally falling off me. A concerned friend noticed my drastic changes, and she insisted on taking me to the food court, where she ensured I ate something—anything. She stayed with me afterward, making sure I didn’t purge, and even threatened to call my parents if I lost any more weight. Her intervention helped me start eating again, though I still struggled with occasional bouts of extreme restriction, but never for longer than a week. I had developed a troubling ability to ignore my hunger cues.
Yet, there were also times when I ate to cope with my emotions. Growing up, my family often pressed us to “clean our plates,” which made it difficult to leave food uneaten. This habit led me to consume food long after I felt full. Looking back, I feel a sense of embarrassment and regret. I want to ensure my kids don’t develop the same unhealthy relationship with food that plagued me. I don’t want them to measure their self-worth by how much or how little they eat.
As I’ve matured, my relationship with food has significantly improved. While I still occasionally eat my feelings, I no longer go days without eating. Nowadays, I focus on food as nourishment, perceiving my body as the only vessel I have to experience life. I strive to listen to my body and stop eating when I feel full, even if it means saving some food for later.
I make it a point to model this mindset for my children. I recognize that they will encounter societal pressures suggesting that thinness equates to beauty and health. To counter these damaging messages, I emphasize the nourishing aspects of food and the joy of eating. I encourage them to enjoy their greens for their nutrients and remind them that it’s perfectly okay to stop eating when they feel satisfied.
We do indulge in treats from time to time, but I tread carefully due to their family history of type 2 diabetes. I’m proactive in educating them about how sugars affect our bodies and the importance of a diet rich in whole foods.
Our conversations revolve around health rather than body size, but I do worry that my well-intentioned guidance might inadvertently lead them to develop disordered eating patterns like I did. Recently, I discovered an Instagram account thanks to a friend, Sara Evans, that offers supportive language around food and health. I believe every parent aiming to foster a positive eating environment for their children will find it incredibly helpful.
This account, @kids.eat.in.color, is a treasure trove of positive and encouraging information about healthy eating, completely devoid of shame. The way they present advice makes it feel fun and motivating, and they avoid any mention of body size or shape. They focus instead on the benefits of food for our bodies, which aligns perfectly with how I want to educate my kids.
They even recognize that some kids can be picky eaters. For instance, they created a cute graphic about portion sizes that includes “disgusted” as a portion size—acknowledging that it’s okay for a child to try a bite and decide it’s not for them.
The entire account is dedicated to promoting healthy eating without guilt, which has inspired me to shift the way I talk about food with my kids and even how I think about food myself. It serves as a reminder that I too can forget the positive aspects of nutrition, as some old disordered thoughts can still linger. Cultivating a healthy relationship with food is a journey we’re all on together.
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In summary, the journey toward a healthy relationship with food is ongoing, and it’s essential to provide our children with the right tools and language to navigate this path.